His Pain, My Pain

My Pain: Chapter Six.

What am I to do?
Abdullahi is angry with me, mama is depressed, Amina is too busy because she's almost due and the worst of all, Atiq doesn't care about me.

What am I supposed to do with my life?
I take full responsibility for Abdullahi but it seems like everyone is pushing me away. Salim left for Enugu for god knows what last week.

I sit on my bed thinking about how messed up my life is when my phone rings.
It was an unknown number.

Hello?

It's Atiq.
You can actually hear how cold his voice is through the phone.

You have my number?

I wanted to talk to you so I asked for it, is something wrong with that?

No, not at all.

I don't want you getting the wrong idea about this call but I need to talk to you. Are you free now? Should I pick you up?

Yes of course.

Okay.

He ends the call.
I call amina immediately.

Suhaiba why are you calling me? I'm trying to sleep.

Atiq just called me. He wants to meet up.

Oh My God! So do you know what to wear? What does he want to talk about?

I don't know. He said he's on his way. Do you think I should go with the sexy look?

Come on Suhaiba. It's Atiq, never ever go with the sexy look. Never. He's not that type of person and you shouldn't let him have a different image of you apart from the innocent one. Wear something great but casual and you have to look good, like really good he can't stop staring at you yet simple. That's what I mean by great but casual.

Okay.

Call me when you get back. Right now Halim is trying to force me to sleep.

Okay then bye.
I jump off the bed and into the bathroom.

..

Great but casual.
I went with my abaya. It's light brown with stone work and lace. It's the perfect definition.

What's greater?
Being in the car with Atiq like this.
When Amina said smell good, I did exactly that, I put on five different perfumes but the moment I get in the car Atiq's perfume clouded mine.

I was worried and anxious, our last date wasn't as memorable as I would have expected.

He suddenly parks the car and looks at me. With his normal blank and emotionless face.
"I want to be as straight forward with you as possible so please don't interrupt" he says and I nod with a smile.

"I don't want to get married, okay?"
"So you don't want to marry me?" I frown.

"Yes but I'm also not interested in marriage".
"But if you were a little bit interested in me you wouldn't mind getting married".

"Of course I'm not interested in you. We cannot get married"

I fold my arms, I felt like he was intentionally trying to hurt me. "Why not?"

"I'm not someone you should be with. I'm not the right person for you. I can't love you".
"Sometimes love grows"

"I can never be able to love you even if I am forced to. You and I can never be"

He's trying to hurt me and he's doing it perfectly.
"I don't care. Let's get married first, we can work on that later on".

"Later on? I don't know much about marriage but all I know is without love there isn't a marriage so if I don't love you is there even a marriage?"

"I've liked you for as long as I can remember and I never stopped. Love is that strong, we can work on it even if it's going to take years".

"Stop being delusional, I wasn't created to love, not you".

"I thought you said it's not me?"
"God!" he groans "Stop putting words in my mouth. Look, all that is in the past, I was just being nice to you because I supposedly knew you, if I had know things would be like this I wouldn't even look at you, not even once"
He seemed like it was normal to say that to a human being.

I just stare at him, I know nothing will change my mind, especially now. I'm going to make him love me.

..

I've been in my room for days, only coming out to pick my food. My phone was switched off since I got back from my date in hell with Atiq.

I just kept stuffing my face with samosa, I love them so much.
Someone knocks on my door.

Before I could say a word the door flings open. My pregnant best friend was standing by the door looking at me, pissed.
"So you switched off your phone?" She shouts.

She closes the door and walks over, her short and chubby body hovering over me.
"Why?"

"He doesn't love me, he said if he had known this would happen he wouldn't even look at me".

"Aww darling" she hugs me.
I start crying just thinking about it.
"Maybe it's best you forget that dumbass anyway".

I pull off gently "No, I can't. I cannot give up now. He just needs to see how much I love and care about him".

"It shouldn't be like that. Men aren't like women. We women have a way of letting someone in, especially when we wake up, eat, sleep with the same person for days, weeks, months, years. It's like we can't help ourselves but for guys it's different. Yes they fall in love too sometimes but when he doesn't love you, to the extent that he regets anything with you then there is a 90% chance he won't love you".

"You don't know for sure and don't waste your time because nothing will make me change my mind"

"Don't do it, let him go".

"No way, never".

Never!!!!!
Never say never!