My Kind of Woman

18. Under The Table

Five days until Christmas and I found being away from Mio was far more painful than being with her. Her and her mouth followed me into my dreams. I'd wake in the night and glance over at the gift I'd gotten for her, sitting innocently on the dresser and glittering in the moonlight spilling into the room. What would I do with that gift? What if I went to see Mio and she rejected me much worse than before? What then would I do with the gift sitting on the dresser side? What would I do with the rest of my life?

In the dark, my black jacket hanging off the back of my bedroom door looked a lot like Mio's robe. I imagined her in it a few times. I'd blush and reach out for her, and only feel nothing under my hand. Of course, I was in a half-asleep state at those times, and despite that, it would still take me an hour to fall back asleep. But in that hour, my lips would tingle and my chest would warm. The same time each night. I felt as if a curse had been placed on me.

School had ended for the Christmas break. It was still persistently snowing and every minute I spent alone in my house, I worried about gifts or Mio or the amount of time I was putting off seeing her. So, I planned with Jackie to stay over four days before Christmas. I packed a stay bag of nice bedwear and underwear (not that it really mattered under  the circumstances) and went to stare at myself in the mirror for half an hour or so.

Seeing that the tiny sideburn curls by my ears had grown out and my ends were split, I took the scissors out of the cabinet and went DIY. I doubted completely that Mio paid that much attention to my hair, but I wanted to feel a little newer after our few days apart. I tried not to take too much off, just slightly bring it above my shoulders. Then, I plucked at my slightly thick brows and sat with the eyelash curler on for a few minutes. Feeling even slightly prettier had wondrous effects on my confidence and I could feel the invisible courage meter above my head ticking upwards.

Dressed up for the weather, I started my walk up for Jackie's house. The sky seemed to be a constant slate of grey. The gutters at the sides of the roads were darkened with the pile of up slush; the residue after hours of snowfall. A sudden surge of excitement and energy in the core of me urged me to start running. I took a deep breath in and started to clumsily sprint up through the snowy streets. My hair was glittering with the tiny specks of snow that had fallen and gotten stuck, crowning my head like a tiara. The grip on my boots was tough enough to keep me from slipping, but didn't allow me to run any faster. My feet were heavy, my chest was heavy too.

His car was in the driveway. He was home, of course - it was too close to Christmas for him to be at work. Though my dad was still away in the daytime. That car. Sometimes when I looked at it, I wanted to smash it to pieces with a bat or a rod or jump on it and scream. Really, I had no reason to hate him other than I wanted to be in his place. He was living my fantasy, being beside her.

It was him too, who opened the door when I knocked. My meter of courage dropped to zero though when I spied his lip. His cupid's bow had a pink stain that ran up the outline of his top lip. Lipstick.

"Norah, hello." He smiled, and I watched that pink stretch. I couldn't stop looking at it.

"Hello."

"Jackie did say you were coming, staying the night?" He asked.

Wipe your lip, I wanted to scream, wipe your lip, don't make me look at that stain any longer!

I nodded.

Mio wasn't the type to wear a lot of make-up, I had only seen lipstick on her a couple of times. Perhaps he was cheating on her then, and he'd clumsily not made the effort to check his reflection before facing her or me. I would comfort her if he had, I would cuss at him I thought. As I walked past him into the house, I told myself and I would quietly mention it to Mio. Our first words since the rejection would be about the possibility of her husband cheating on her. Then I would have a true reason to despise him.