My Kind of Woman

33. Well, Is It?

An; My apologies if my exhaustion can be felt in this chapter, hope it isn't dull...

For about two days, friendship with Jackie felt weirdly awkward. Nothing like it ever had. We'd never been awkward. We'd always been close and attached at the hip like conjoined twins. But both of us seemed slightly strained, obviously still remembering what had happened. I knew she hadn't forgotten but she hadn't mentioned it again. There hadn't really been an opportunity to, and I wanted to keep it that way. I wasn't prepared to slip up in front of her again. I need time, and lots of it. To think and to plan, to prepare myself really, find a way to protect Mio if it did get out. But I was so lost. Thinking of it, even only for a minute, gave me an intense nausea that lasted for hours. So I put it off for as long as I could. As long as that would be.

But after those two days, her mind seemed to reset. Almost too easily, we were normal again. She came bounding up to me the next morning, slinging her arms around my neck, joking and being as regular as Jackie could be. I wasn't going to say otherwise, so I also started to act as I normally would. Perhaps it felt false from me, but I could sense no sign of her just acting to bury the upset.

Her birthday came and went smoothly. We ate together in a restaurant outside of town when the weather was good, and she was thrilled with the last minute gift I got for her. Luckily, I'd already had something stashed away for her birthday, so it wasn't too much trouble to get something ready the night before.

For a bit, things seemed far too normal. I'd become used to the unrest, and the anxiety, and I'd come to accept that I wouldn't be able to be normal anymore. Mio and I both. She'd even said herself. But I didn't see her for a few days either. With Jackie and I's friendship fixed, I could no longer bunk off of school with a good reason, and I didn't have much reason to go over to hers.

I started to miss Mio, despite it only being a few days or so. I wished at times that we could've been the same age, that I would have her phone number and call her in the night. But I wasn't even sure if she had a mobile. I'd never looked about for one, or asked about one. I hadn't needed to. And besides, a record of me on her phone might've made things seem sneakier than they were. It might have complicated things sooner.

The novelty of it all was wearing off, revealing the painful fleshy layer of its truth. It was exhausting to be in love, but pushing through was for your lover's sake. And I would. I had no intention of giving up or looking elsewhere for a route I knew didn't exist. Everything I did then, I did for her. But not purposefully. It just kind of happened.

A particularly uncomfortable interaction occurred whilst I was waiting for Jackie after school. I was hoping she was going to invite me to stay the night that day. I'd even planned on asking. Whilst I was perfecting this plan, a pair of familiar feet came into view. Giana.

I was leaning against the wall outside of school when she approached me. She didn't look like she wanted to be there or talk to me, but she was, and she did. Her expression was extremely stony, her obvious reluctance shining through without much effort of concealment.

"Hi, Norah," she said.

"Hello."

"How have you been?" She asked flatly, tugging at the top button of her blouse.

I'd always find it strange when Giana didn't act flustered in front of me, and instead appeared nonchalant. I'd been so used to it and then nothing at all, that it had become expected behaviour; the blushing and rushed speech.

I nodded curtly, "good. You?"

She shrugged.

"What do you need?" I asked coolly, squinting against the sun that was shining down through the parting of her hair.