Love Never Wanted Me

15

"Dad?"

I hear my daughter's voice, but it sounds so distant and muffled, like it's underwater or something. Everything seems foggy and muddled. I can't seem to open my eyes because my eyelids feel too heavy to lift. It's like I'm coming out of dream. No, not a dream. A nightmare.

"Dad, can you hear me?"

I can hear her voice cracking. She's crying, or maybe she's been crying and now her voice is shaky. I'm not sure; Christ, I'm not sure of anything right now. My head feels like it's filled with air and my body feels sore and achy. I'm not in any pain, just uncomfortable. God, what happened to me? I don't feel like myself.

"Daddy, please wake up," I hear my little girl cry as I feel her take a hold of my arm. She shakes it, trying to get some form of a reaction out of me. I move around a bit, trying to stretch out my stiff muscles and get a better idea of my surroundings. Where am I? This bed or whatever I'm lying on feels so stiff and these sheets are so starchy. Am I in the hospital?

Forcing myself to do so, I slowly start to blink my eyes open. It takes a moment, but my surroundings start to come into focus. There's a bright light hanging over me and everything around me is white. There are the faint sounds of machines beeping but otherwise it's quiet. Okay, so, I'm definitely in a hospital room.

I look down to see that I am dressed in a hospital gown; explains the sandpaper feeling on my skin. There's an IV hooked up into my arm and a couple wires set up on my chest. What's all this for? What happened to me?

My half-opened eyes finally land on my daughter. She's standing beside me, holding onto my arm, and staring at me with wide, worried eyes. Her bottom lip is starting to quiver, and I can see the pent-up tears glistening in her eyes.

"Hey, kiddo," I say in a groggy voice, giving her a small smile.

"Daddy!" Rose exclaims, climbing up onto the bed. She nuzzles her little head under my chin and clings to me like I'm about to fade away at any minute. Her tears begin to stain my hospital gown and her little shoulders start to shake. I wrap my weak arms around her and place a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Hey, hey," I whisper into her hair, "wh-whats with the tears?"

"I'm just happy you're up," she says sniffling a bit, " I-I didn't think you'd wake up. I was so scared."

"Don't be," I groan, trying to hide my discomfort, "I'm here. I'm awake."

"The doctor said that you'd be loopy and out of it when you woke up," she says, her voice shaking a bit, "Are you? Do you need a doctor? Should I go get one? Are you okay?"

"Rose, Rose, it's okay," I soothe, stroking her hair, "It's alright. I'm okay."

That's a lie. I'm nauseous, I have a headache and my entire body feels like one giant bruise. I am definitely not okay.

"Daddy, it was so scary," she cries, "You were on the floor an-and your eyes were all white, and then the ambulance came an-and you weren't moving anymore. It was really scary. I didn't like it."

She clings to me as tightly as possible, hiding her face onto my chest. I hold her close and tight, letting her words just process through my mind. What did she mean by all that? What happened to me? The last thing I remember was being in my office and yelling at...Oh my God, Delilah! I was so upset about Elsa and I was letting it out on Lilah. I need to apologize to her. I need to see her.

"Daddy," I hear Rose sniffle, breaking me out of my thoughts, "what happened to you?"

"I don't know, kiddo," I say as I pull her in close, "I can't remember."