Love Never Wanted Me

26

**4 months later**

"He's so tiny."

"I know, kiddo. It's crazy right?"

"Can I hold him?"

"Of course. Just make your arms like mine and I'll pass him over to you, okay?"

A proud smile grows across my lips as I watch Patrick gently set Elijah into Rose's arms. They're on the living room couch, sitting as close to one another as possible. Rose is still dressed in her a school uniform; I don't think she even entertained the idea of changing out of it. She was just so excited to meet her baby brother.

She's been at Brendon's for the past couple of days while I was in the hospital. As much as I wanted her by my side through my stay, it completely made sense that she would be with her godfather. The labor and delivery ward in the hospital isn't really the place for a nine year old to be hanging out.

Christ, that's still a bizarre thing to think about. I was in labor. I gave birth. It was the longest, most excruciating 14 hours of my life, but it was worth it. That little boy was worth every contraction, every sharp hit of pain and every push. That boy, my son, was worth it.

Elijah is small, not unhealthily so, but he's tiny even by newborn standards. The nurses assured Patrick and I that it's nothing to worry about; some kids are just small. His lungs are clear, and his heart is beating normally. He's healthy and I couldn't be more relieved. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid that something was going to be wrong. I'm an ex junkie, after all; it's a miracle that he came out okay. Well, better than okay. He's amazing!

"Watch his head, kid," I softly instruct, leaning against the archway, "You've got him."

"Okay," Rose whispers, looking down at the tiny bundle in her arms. She's nervous, I can tell, but she's excited. It's her baby brother, after all; she's been looking forward to this moment ever since we told her that I was pregnant. As Elijah lets out a few little soft coos, Rose's eyes grow wide with wonderment.

"He's just saying hi," Patrick says, wrapping an arm around Rose's shoulders, "He's happy to meet you."

Rose looks at Patrick and then at me, almost like she's looking to us for reassurance. I give her a small nod, wordlessly letting her know that it's all okay.

"Um, hi, Elijah," Rose says, looking back down at him, "I'm Rose. I'm your big sister. It's nice to finally meet you."

Elijah lets out another coo and I can see him wiggle around a little bit.

"See," Patrick says, "He's happy to finally meet you too."

"Then how come he's making that face?" Rose asks, "Is he upset?"

"Oh no, kiddo, he's just getting used to the bright lights," Patrick explains, "This is all brand new to him."

Rose's smile grows a bit as she leans forward and places a kiss on Elijah's forehead: "It's okay," she says, "I'm going to help you get used to everything. It's what big sisters do."

"That's a very sweet thing to say," Patrick says, "Elijah is lucky to have you."

"Thanks," Rose says, looking back at her dad, "and you know what, Dad?"

"What kiddo?"

"I'm really happy your here."

I hear Patrick's breath hitch in his throat, and I notice his eyes start to well up. I can feel the tears beginning to fill my eyes too, but I quickly wipe them away. I told myself I wouldn't cry today... but I can't help it. What she's saying is exactly how I feel as well. I'm happy that Patrick's here; Hell, I'm beyond happy.