My imaginary boyfriend

10 : The death of the little boy

Chapter 10: The Death Of The Little Boy

"Dr. Phai. Doctor! You look so pale? Are you OK?"

The question from the nurse pulled me back from my subconsciousness. I immediately folded the paper and put it in my pocket as if I was afraid that somebody would see it.

"Do you happen to remember about the guy who left this note for me?" I asked her, trying to force myself not to reveal my cracked voice.

"Oh yes, I do. Very clearly" She replied with her cheerful voice.

"Who was it? Tell me, now." I unconsciously scolded her.

"Well, the guard who was on duty in front of the OPD gate gave it to me. He said there was a guy leaving it with him since he didn't know how to find your ward." She told me with her doubtful expression after noticing my anxiety on finding the owner of the note. I can't conceal my feelings anymore, I think.

"Dr. Phai. Are you really OK?" She asked again with the traces of being concerned, afraid and bold in her voice. I shook my head, escaped from the scene and then headed to the ward.

"I'm OK. Please prepare the charts so we can do the ward round for this evening."

I stopped in front of the counter. After I saw that all the nurses were preoccupied with their tasks and nobody seemed to care about my existence anymore, I opened the note, reread it and examined every letter on the note. I picked up a scrap of paper and tried writing the text that I just read. I wrote it a few times and then compared them to the original. It wasn't my handwriting. It definitely belonged to someone else. Normally, I write without a space in the head of each letter. It was the writing habit that I had developed since I was young. Mom even used to say that writing without the space in the head made my handwriting look so ugly. However, every letter on the note had space in each head. Big space. That was too unusual for me to write like that. The handwriting on the note definitely did not belong to me. What if it belongs to the handwriting of my other personality? Is it possible that I unconsciously switch my handwriting when I switch personality? Handwriting is an implicit memory or body memory. It was the way our muscles are used to moving the pen to draw each letter. In case that I become my other self — that my other personality comes out — the body memory must still be the same. Therefore, the text wasn't written with my handwriting and wasn't something I had written.

For the worst case, if that had really been the text of my other personality left for me, the next question was about the time when I'd become Klong. When did my personality disappear, write a note and leave it to the guard to leave it to the nurse for myself? Was there really any gap for me to do such a thing? Well, I thought I always had my consciousness... Wait, I'd been mindless twice today. Could that even be possible? It might have been too funny if all of that was my doing. How was I supposed to tell the guard to leave a note to Dr. Phai just because I didn't know the ward where I was working? If that was the case, the guy who had stood in front of the guard at that moment would have been me and the guard would have laughed in my face.

Even with many frustrations that troubled my mind and many doubts without the answers, I clearly reached a solid summary. This note was written by someone else rather than me. This... must be the note from Klong. Then, the questions about who he was or what he was were something that I still couldn't come up with any answer. I reread the text. OK, he saw me with another guy, apparently Sun, so he saw Sun and me in the library. Therefore, those dropping books must be Klong's doing.

The more I thought about it, the more confused I was. I pulled out the patient's chart in order to examine but it fell from my hand. I then examined my hand and found that it was shaking. The more I tried to force my hand to stop shaking, the more vigorously it shook.