I got told today that it's been a month since my life went on pause
A month
It feels so much longer
It feels like I was away for a month
Tried to kill myself
Went another
And never stopped thinking about it
And I know
I fucking know
One day can't save a person
One day with any amount of people, things or places
Cannot save a person
It cannot save me
And I tried
I fucking tried
I held on for a Tuesday
Then longer
Then I got my day
My weekend
And things felt better
I had this really normal
Amazing experience
I had love
And lust
AnxietyAnd there was anger
And apologiesAnd I said I love you less times than I wanted to
But it was still every second thing I said
I fucking love him
And I won't ever stop
I love him
My baby boy
So much
So so so so so much
And I wish
Having him with me always
Forever
Right by side
Or
Whatever social distanceTo have him living together with me
Was a possibility
Right now
Right fucking now
I love and I love
But they always have to go after however long
And he doesn't stop loving me and I, them
But
It's hardI wish
The days out everyone is planning after this
With food and fun and exploring
Could make me
Want to live more
Because he gives me so much
So much that keeps me going always
Always
Always and forever
But right now
Really in the moment
I just need something more
Because it's so dark outside
No one could stop me right now if they tried because what the fuck do my family know
And everyone who does is stuck in my phone
So I could just have something
That wouldn't make me not kill myself
But
Make me want to live
Maybe that would help
Maybe having something more would
YOU ARE READING
Shit rant poems
PoetryThere are so so so many typos and one day, I'll fix them all.....maybe