sing me a love song // liu yuxin/cai zhuoyi

an old friend

Loud thunder roars out from the clouds throughout the city, as the gods raged in the skies. She thinks that there was no way the shoot was going to continue today. In this kind of weather, most likely, the director would just send her a text message to not go.

A sigh comes out of her nostrils as she thinks about her plans for today, now that she doesn't have work. Maybe, going to town and shop for groceries because she was already running out of food to eat, or maybe just get espresso from her favorite coffee shop downtown.

She turned to the other side of her bed to look at the time. It was rather unusual of her to wake up at this time. In regular days, she would wake up around seven or eight in the morning but now it was ten am and she just opened her eyes.

What's the use of having plans for today when obviously she won't even end up doing it? She blames the weather for being an excuse to be lazy and unproductive but, seriously, it could be a perfect day but she could still be lazy. 

She tossed again and now she was sure that the spot she was on, was already going to leave a permanent dent as she laid there for almost twelve hours. By the table beside her bed was her phone and she reached for it to look at messages or any emails that she had missed since she had gone missing for a while now and her mother is probably going to kill her.

Unlocking the device, she tapped on a few text messages and tried to respond to them. Some of them were just junk texts, warnings and probably the electronic phone bill she hadn't paid. She explained to her mother that she was just busy with things such as shooting for a new drama but she knows it was all a lie.

She needed time for herself because even she doesn't understand herself.

Wow, time must be passing by so fast because she just could not keep up.

The last text message she checked was from her fiancé, asking her if she was still alive and if she wanted dinner for tonight. Somehow, seeing his name on her messages made her feel a bit... heavy.

Shaking her head, she decided not to respond. Was there something new? She doesn't think so. Having dinner with him meant hours of listening to how successful he has become and how he would be real rich and famous if he didn't sacrifice his career for his baby.

To say the least, she had enough of that.

Getting out of bed seemed very hard but she managed to do so. The sudden action made her lose her vision for she curses how long. When she got herself together she finally stood up off her bed, cheering herself mentally as it was the first goal that she had accomplished for today. Get out of bed.

It was cold as soon as she got out of bed. The warmth of her comforters was gone and now she longs for it again. Now she could not wait to finish whatever she will do today and just go back to that bed again.

She dragged her frail body to the kitchen and opened the fridge as soon as she got there. It was almost empty and she needed to buy her groceries now or else she will suffer from eating fast food takeouts or just noodles which were bad for her diet. She sighs as she spots a small carton of sterilized milk.

She thinks it was enough for her breakfast because she plans on eating out today anyways.

As she closes the fridge there was a picture of her with a friend that she had made two years ago. She wasn't sure why it was still on her fridge but maybe she was thankful that it was still stuck there until now.

A small smile crawls up on her lips and she runs her fingers on the smooth surface of the picture.

How come her face was still there? By now, it should be removed completely from her memory but it seems like everytime days pass and seasons change it gets more vivid and suddenly all the memories were so real, as if it happened yesterday.

There was always this empty spot sitting in a part of her heart, that she guarantee can never be filled by anything or anyone. It's like she has been waiting for her whole life for it to come. She's had success, money, fame—all of that good stuff but it seemed like none of it can fill that gap.

Zhuoyi, I love you.

She nodded, "I love you," she shuts her eyes closed, smiling to herself.

Liar, you don't love her. How old were you? You'll be thirty a few years from now, why are you still acting like a girl in her teen days?

She pries off the logical side of hers. She felt like she was crazy and everything was spinning. This was not it and she feels bad now for her fiancé.

Her head hurt as soon as she opens her eyes. It was always a pain to think about that but she just loved how the voice sounded in her head. If only she could have one day with her. Just one day, she would confess her feelings.

But maybe not.

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*unedited