sing me a love song // liu yuxin/cai zhuoyi

a coward

"Geez, you didn't have to walk me all the way here." Yuxin doesn't really mean that, she wanted Zhuoyi to be with her alone. The mere presence of Zhuoyi is what makes her somewhat alive at that moment. All she wants was Zhuoyi.

Zhuoyi gave her a playful slap on her shoulder. "I told you for the tenth time, I don't mind!" something about how she talks now tells Yuxin that the situation wasn't really treating Zhuoyi well. "I know I'm gonna miss you so, I wanted to be with you more. Look! We're still early for the next train!"

Not one of us dare to speak. There was dead air but it wasn't uncomfortable. Gulping hard, Yuxin thought about bringing up the topic of what had happened earlier. She was confused. Was her fiancé always like that? Or she was just mistaken? Whatever it was, what he said about Zhuoyi was off the hook and there was no excuse for that.

"S-so," she started, stuttering due to the fact that she might hurt her feelings if she would even talk about Zhuoyi's fiancé. "Zhang Fei... he seems to be an interesting guy,"

Zhuoyi laughs and Yuxin can tell mthat she was faking it, "He can be a little rude at times," she trails off, "But what can I do? He gives me everything that I have."

Yuxin didn't answer and she looks down to her hands that were already forming fists. "Yuxin," Zhuoyi calls out and the moment she hears her name coming out of Zhuoy's mouth, she shoots her head up to look at the girl. "Let's hold hands again."

Yuxin keeps quiet but she allows Zhuoyi to hold her hand. It was still soft like back then. She wanted to hold her hands forever. "Ah! This is so nostalgic!" Zhuoyi exclaims, finding some type of comfort  from Yuxin's hand. "I wish... I could go back in time,"

Confused, her eyes trail up from their intertwined fingers to Zhuoyi's face. "Why would you want to go back? You're happy now."

"Mm, yeah. I mean, I've always wanted to be a wife so bad," Yuxin tries to look at her expression but it was well hidden behind those long locks. "It was my dream. To find someone I loved, real love, the realest that you could ever find."

Yuxin just wanted to shout at Zhuoyi. She didn't know what to do. Would it be right if she would blame Zhuoyi? Or was she the one to blame here?

"And be the happiest girl that ever lived." Zhuoyi lowers her head more and there were pools of tears now forming in her eyes. A blink and they will spill. "But hey, dreams are dreams. Life's just not that simple."

Zhuoyi went quiet for what seemed to be two minutes to Yuxin. With a heave of a breath, Zhuoyi decided to break the silence between them once again.

"I'm pregnant."

Yuxin's eyes went wide that her eyeballs could pop out of their sockets anytime. "I guess that's what happens when he finishes inside, huh... you know what? Best I take life's small blessings, ey?" her grip on Yuxin's hand starts to tighten.

Yuxin could not speak. What would she say to her anyways? "Congratulate me, Yuxin." Zhuoyi says sternly, but Yuxin does not react. Well at least, she did not showed any reactions. "Because I'm starting to want to run away from it all..."

Now it was the perfect time for Yuxin to speak. She musters up all her courage into the air and she sucks it all up. "Then let's run away." she says loudly, eager to take the girl home with her.

The sound of warning sirens went off and there was this raspy voice from the speakers of the station telling them that the train was soon arriving. Yuxin looks at Zhuoyi in her eyes, determined. God, she loved this girl and until now, she still does. She doesn't want to see her going through a hard time.

"I'll take you anywhere!" she says, confident. "We could e-elope..." the last word made her shy. How... could she even say that to her.

"Aha, Yuxin, you're always so nice to me." Zhuoyi finds Yuxin's words to be brave.

Yuxin stares at Zhuoyi, this was the first time today that she's smiled from her heart. Suddenly, her surroundings were all sparkly and vivid.

---
*unedited

Moral of the story: once you are a lesbian, you can never go back