sing me a love song // liu yuxin/cai zhuoyi

what else was there to lose?

Zhuoyi considers Yuxin as one of the people she truly did love. It took her an awful long time to realize that she wasn't one of those people that has passed the palm of her hands. Yuxin can lose all of what she had right now, Zhuoyi would stay. After all, Yuxin saw her most vulnerable side. What else was there to lose?

Ah, that line again. Zhuoyi had developed this habit of asking herself: what else does she have to lose? everytime she was stuck in a situation. There was always something she had to shed off her skin, but she still asks that question to herself. Maybe the loss was worth it and everytime she lets go of that it made her feel a bit better.

"Just busy with college stuff. I decided to pursue another degree in acting," Zhuoyi leaned her head on the glass wall beside her, smiling at the female in front of her.

She can never really expect less from this girl, can't she? "Ah, you're always so talented," she sighs, fiddling with the cup sleeve wrapped around her almost cold espresso. "No wonder you're getting a lot of attention these days."

A shy smile was on Yuxin's lips as her shoulders bobbed up and down. "Hey now, you speak as if you're not talented and does not get any attention,"

"Well, I do get attention," she chuckles almost painfully, "A lot of it actually. But I'm not even that great."

"You're Cai Zhuoyi, do I need to remind you?" Yuxin says, raising an eyebrow at her and smiling.

Somehow her name coming out of her mouth felt different. "You make it seem like I stand out,"

Yuxin rolled her eyes playfully and laughed. "Of course! You wouldn't be where you are now if you don't."

"I wish," she tries to think of another topic and she did but it wasn't as nice. "I miss hanging out like this," her words made Yuxin look at her with confusion and a little bit of expectation, "Y'know like those days when we liked to sneak out of the dorms and stuff. It made me felt free at the while."

"Why? Are you being held back?"

Zhuoyi hums in response, "Held back isn't the right term, I think." she holds back a small chuckle as she finishes her coffee. "We better get on our feet now, don't we?" Zhuoyi pats her lips with a paper napkin to remove coffee and maybe some things that are not meant to be said on a first meeting.

Yuxin raised an eyebrow at her, nit knowing what she was going on about. But, it was Zhuoyi and even though she spends a hundred years hanging out with her, she could never know what was going on in her head.

"Damn, walking together like this feels nice! Takes me to us back then," she breathes out, "I remember walking to the cafeteria with you," she glances at the girl beside her and she laughs at Yuxin trying to hide her face in her hoodie.

Zhuoyi herself wasn't sure why she was walking with her, or why she initiated a conversation with her as if something didn't happen back then. Maybe she misses her and it was like the person from the picture on her fridge jumped out and she was so overwhelmed, she couldn't think straight.

Inching closer to Yuxin, Zhuoyi hooked her pinky finger with the latter's, catching her off guard. "And we used to hold hands like this, right?" Zhuoyi giggles loudly, "Talk about a lot of things,remember?" she recites the pictures in her head one by one and it tore away all the remaining pieces of her heart.

"I," Yuxin hesitated, "I don't remember." she looks away, face red and heart beating fast.

Yuxin always had this image that everyone sees. She was strong and she always considered the logical things in life. That's why she always looked to stoic, as if she pushed all human emotions aside. She never meant for that to happen, she had to do it, she needed to be strong.

She heard Zhuoyi say something that seemed like she was accusing her of being a liar. Yuxin lied, but because she doesn't want her walls down again.

Yuxin hated this feeling. Zhuoyi was beside her and fingers were intertwined with hers. She hated this because somehow it made her feel like the world was all shiny and alive.

How can she bear all of it?