In between

Chapter eighteen : on a Falling Star

Tears fell from my face.

Small rivers form as I try and move, try and will my body to run.

But every sob that escaped my throat.

And every scream that is torn from my lungs.

Only seem to make matters worse.

This wasn't meant to happen.

"I've learnt my lesson; I've learnt my lesson!" I screamed.

Because I had, hadn't I?

I made friends.

I saved people.                    

I'm teaching future heroes.

'But you never saved yourself...' was whispered into my ears.

'You weren't there when they needed you...' sang through the blackness.

"They'd want me to forgive myself!" I screamed back.

"They'd want me to continue and live!!" I yelled.

'They'd want you to save yourself...' was whispered back.

'Not bury yourself.'

There was no light where I screamed and sobbed.

There were no arms to hold me down while I broke.

Everyone I had was gone.

Everyone I let into my life didn't know the real me.

And they never would.

Unless they listened to my screams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I sat up in bed.

Just trying to take everything in.

It was early hours in the morning and the city was just starting to wake up. The bustle of cars and yells of people could be heard outside my open window. The light grey curtains flapping slightly with the breeze.

I pulled off the light blanket that was covering me and crossed my legs on my bed.

Usually after a nightmare, I would wake up, covered in sweat, tears in my eyes and heartbeat ringing in my ears.

Yet, none of that happened.

'Guess I've finally grown to accept it then...' I thought to myself.

'Accept what?' Came as an answer.

'Nothing, nothing at all...' I think back, because it was nothing, it happened years ago and yet it still haunted me, still came to bite me in the back when I let my guard down.

'Right nothing, because you having nightmares nearly every night, and you always waking up like somethings out there to attack and you being lost in thought these past few days and you now suddenly waking up and what just accepting the fact that you have nightmares.'

'All that is nothing?' Death answered back.

He seemed fed up with my behaviour and honestly, I don't blame him.

'I guess I just finally realised that this past week, I've been teaching students, my age and they are all so naïve to what being a hero actually is. I mean I'm no better myself, but I've seen stuff, you know.

I've seen my own family be ripped out my grasp because I was too fucking slow!

I've seen my own father give himself up for me because I was too innocent and too naïve and too stupid to understand the situation.'