Not Now But Forever

Chapter 20

I bit my lip and went on the back of their house. Napatigil ako ng makita ang frustrated na mukha ni Liam. I can see Dale's back and how his shoulders are shaking.

"Alam ba to ni Charm?" Napakunot ang noo ko sa tanong ni Liam.

Alam ang alin? Dale doesn't tell me anything. He would always tell me that he's okay. He's just tired and busy. Ano ba ang dapat kong malaman?

"Don't tell her." Napapikit ako ng marinig ang pagsuntok ni Liam sa puno.

Don't tell me what? Ano ba ang dapat kong malaman?

"Putangina, Dale! Ang gago mo!" Inis na singhal ni Liam.

Hindi man lang natinag si Dale. His broad back doesn't even move an inch.

"This is not your story to tell - " Liam cut him off.

"You are fucking cheating on Charm! And I fucking knew it but I've decided to keep my mouth shut because I thought...I thought you're more than this." He gritted his teeth.

Liam is shaking. I can see how hard he is controlling his anger. Nanginig na rin ang mga kamay ko. Pilit kong tinakpan ang bibig ko, para hindi nila marinig ang hikbi ko.

Kaya ba ganito siya sa akin? Kaya ba hindi open sa akin si Dale? Napapikit ako dahil sa mga naiisip ko. Mahal ba talaga ako ni Dale?

"Hindi ko sinasadya!" Dale screamed. I closed my eyes after hearing his frustration.

"Hindi mo sinasadya alin? Hindi mo sinasadya na mahulog ka sa kanya dahil pilit kang nakikikompetensya sa akin?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ni Liam.

Kompetensya? Saan? What is his price?

"Putangina, Liam! Anak ka lang ni Mommy sa labas! I am giving you no right to act as if you are the legal child! You...you take everything away from me!" Dale said with bitterness in his voice.

Halos malagutan ako ng hininga ng makita ang pagtama ng kamao ni Liam kay Dale.

"Putangina mo, Dale! You're arguing because you want to own the company? Go! I just don't get it why you even played with Charm!" Liam hissed.

Tumayo si Dale mula sa pagkakatumba niya. Patuloy pa rin ang pag hikbi ko.

"Hindi ko pinaglaruan si Charm." Napapikit ako. Hindi ako naniniwala.

"Ah, yeah. You cheated on her. Niloko mo siya." He scoffed.

I had too much. I don't know if I can still take it. I stepped out of the dark, my shoulders are shaking. Napaawang ang bibig ni Liam ng makita ako.

"Charm," Liam worriedly uttered my name.

"Totoo ba?" I tried to looked brave infront of Dale.

Pinagloloko ko na naman ang sarili ko. Niloko na nga ako, niloloko ko pa sarili ko. Tangina naman oh!

For a moment, I saw how scared Dale is. I don't know if it's true, though.

"Charm," He tried to reached me.

"I always though why...you're so distant on me. Bakit, wala akong alam tungkol sayo...bakit ang bilis ng sa atin. For a minute, you hate me...a lot." Dale shook his head while I was trying to find for an air. I can't breathe. "Then, you'll appear in front of me, telling me how much you like me. Ang tanga ko diba? Nagpauto ako sayo! Wala eh, gusto kita. Gusto kita kahit hindi mo magawang ipakilala sa akin kung sino ka talaga. Gusto kita kahit wala akong alam tungkol sayo." I sobbed.

Dale tried to hugged me. I move one step backward, backward from the man who once made me feel special, kahit hindi totoo.

"Charm, please let me explain." Dale said as he tried to get closer to me.

"Sino ba yung babae mo talaga?" I bitterly laugh.

"Charm -" I cut him off.

"Sino yung babae mo?" I asked, sounding irritated.

"She's Jane." Nahihirapan niyang sagot.

I nodded and smiled. Parang tanga! "Ang swerte niya." I continued nodding my head, trying to convinced myself na ang malas ko.

Unti-unti akong umatras palayo sa kanya hanggang sa tuluyan na akong tumakbo paalis sa kanila. Palayo sa kanya.

I don't know how to go home. I even heard Dale's parents arguing. I have no time for that. Pagod na ako.

"H...hello" Hikbi ko habang tinatawagan ang mga kaibigan ko.

They told me to stay put. Ilang minuto lang ay dumating na rin sila. They even looked for a taxi. Nakakahiya! Ang mahal nun!

"Sorry." Ella said while crying. I looked at her and shook my head.

"Sorry for not telling you what we saw." She added.

She hugged me and I let myself cry as if there's no tomorrow. As if this is my last night.

"We saw him...with someone and...they're so sweet." Rose said and pitied me.

Tahimik ako habang nakasakay sa kinuha kong grab. I brushed my hair with frustrations.

Ang kapal din ng mukha ni Dale na magpakita sa harapan ko. After five years, magpapakita siya na parang bitter pa rin ako! Ang kapal naman talaga!

Pagdating ko sa condo namin ay inis ako napasalampak sa couch. Rose appeared in front of me while brushing her teeth.

Inirapan ko ito, "I saw my fucking ex and asked me if it's okay to work with him!" Napasigaw ako dahil sa frustration na nararamdaman ko.

Nakapameywang na tumayo sa harap ko si Rose. "Ganto na lang ba talaga ako? Takbuhan ng mga kaibigang may problema sa lovelife nila?"

"Hindi 'to lovelife, okay? Ang akin lang, masyadong mayabang si Dale! Hindi porket sikat na siya, artista na siya eh ganyan na siya!" I stormed inside my room.

Agad akong nagbihis at saka sumalampak sa higaan ko. Walang-gana akong napatingin kay Rose.

"Ali is asking out for a party. Wanna come?" She cutely asked me.

"Tigil-tigilan niyo nga ako sa party na yan! Paparty kayo tapos gigising sa kama ng ibang lalaki!" Pangangaral ko sa kanila.

"Excuse me? Hindi ako si Ali, okay? Hindi ako gumaganon!" Rose defensively said.

"Yeah, right, kung sino sino lang naman ang kahalikan mo." I mocked her.

Inirapan niya na ako bago lumabas, "Kung ayaw mong sumama, edi wag! Magmukmok ka diyan hanggang sa bangungutin ka ni Dale!"

Napapadyak ako sa kinahihigaan ko bago nagdesisyong magbihis na rin. This is going to be a wild night with my wild friends.