Not Now But Forever

Chapter 27

I know I destroyed his plans the moment I decided to come out of the pool.

Lunch came and we ate our lunch in my suite. Tahimik lamang kaming kumakain.

"Let's rest this whole afternoon, then I'll see you by dinner." He said after we're done eating.

I nodded. Gusto ko rin matulog dahil nakakapagod ang mga pangyayare sa buhay ko.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal natulog. Ganito ata talaga kapag stress ka sa buhay. I heard the knocking on my door. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin at saka nagsimulang ayusin ang aking sarili.

I wore a simple flowy white sleeveless dress. Kakain lang naman kami eh.

My mouth dropped when I saw Dale standing outside my room, wearing a black khaki shorts and white polo. He was busy scanning something on his phone.

I coughed to grab his attention. He eyed from head to toe and smiled.

"Come on! The dinner's waiting." I nodded at him saka sinundan na siya.

Alam ko, kahit anong pilit ni Dale gawin ang dapat na ginawa niya noon, hinding-hindi niya na iyon magagawa pa.

Things change, and when it does, it will never be the same again.

"Eto ba talaga ang plano mo noon?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko kay Dale.

He shrugged his shoulders and held my hand. My heart almost jumped at the sudden gesture.

"Can I have this dance?" He slowly asked me, as if weighing my decision.

Full of hesitation, I nodded. I let him hold me on my waist while he carefully placed my hands around his neck.

This feels surreal. Nakakatakot. Pakiramdam ko ay paparating palang ang bagyo.

"Do you like it?" He whispered in the middle of our slow dance.

Walang tao sa may pool side. A two-seater table is placed there surrounded with petals of rose formed in a heart. May mga tumutugtog din ng violin.

"This was your plan... before?" He nodded. I heard his loud sigh.

"For our first anniversary. This is my...plan...after the night we had dinner with my family. We...uh...should be going here." He sadly said.

Napatingin ako sa mga mata ni Dale. I saw regrets, pain, and...love in his eyes.

Tahimik akong tumango sa sinabi niya.

"But sometimes, things don't really work out, the way we want it to be." He whispered.

"Everything happens for a reason." I tapped his shoulder and looked at the table.

"You want to eat na?" He asked. I nodded at him.

Inalalayan ako ni Dale papunta sa mesa. This is a candlelight dinner. The thought of Dale working out this one, made my heart breaks.

We silently eat the dinner. Mga di-pamilyar na pagkain. Iba talaga kapag mayaman.

"Charm, I think we won't be able to spend our three days here." Napatingin ako sa kanya. Baka dahil sa trabaho.

"Okay lang naman." I casually said.

"Sorry if we need to go back to Manila  tomorrow after lunch. I have problems." He said in frustration.

"Work?"

"No. Family." Tumango ako sa kanya.

Nakakalungkot naman. Nabitin ako eh. One day lang kaya kami dito!

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay nagdesisyon akong umakyat na sa suite ko. Aayusin ko muna ang mga gamit ko.

Hinatid ako ni Dale hanggang sa tapat ng kwarto ko.

"Charm." I looked at him. "Thank you." Tumango ako saka nginitian siya.

I went inside my room and the moment I locked it, my heart feels so heavy, so empty.

I know I lost him, long time ago.

Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako dahil sa pag-iyak. Nagising ako sa katok mula sa labas. Rinig na rinig ko iyon dahil sa sahig na ako nakatulog.

I cried a lot last night. Hindi nakapagtataka kung mugto ang mga mata ko.

"Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?" Nag-aalalang tanong ni Dale sa akin.

Umiling na lang ako saka tahimik na kumain. Pagkatapos ay walang pasabi akong umalis para mag-ayos na ng sarili ko.

I tried to washed away the little hope I had in my heart. Na baka pagbalik namin sa Manila, kami na ulit. May pag-asa ka kami. But Dale, he didn't do anything. Maybe because I already lost it. We already lost it.

We ate our lunch silently. After it ay nag check out na kami. Buti na lang at walang media dito.

"I'll be having my statement tomorrow." He said after a long stretched of silence.

I nodded at him and made myself comfortable at the shotgun seat.

"Charm," Agad akong napatingin sa kanya.

"Remember Jane?" Agad na sumikip ang dibdib ko. How can I forget that name? The one that made me feel I sucked in everything.

"I never forgot her." Mapait kong sagot.

Hindi ko namalayan na nasa Manila na pala kami at nandito kami sa isang subdivision. Dale parked his car outside a simple huge house.

Ibinaon niya ang kanyang mukha sa manibela. Nang inangat niya ang tingin sa akin, I saw how devastated he is. His bloodshot eyes speaks for it.

Na hindi lang ako ang naghirap, naghirap din siya.

"I'm sorry, Charm. I'm sorry for being a coward little boy." He looked up and tried to stop his tears from falling.

He let out a laugh, a fake one. "I'm sorry for choosing my responsibility over you."

Agad na sumikip ang dibdib ko. Pilit kong tinakpan ang hikbi ko.

"You know I love you right?" He said in between his sobs.

Pikit mata akong umiling. Dahil ang totoo ay hindi ko alam. Hindi ko alam kung mahal niya ba talaga ako.

"Fuck!" He hissed with anger.

"I'm sorry." Nanginginig kong saad sa kanya.

"I was about to make the most wonderful things of my life with you, but... I don't want to be unfair..." Nahihirapan niyang paliwanag.

It took me seconds bago siya tiningnan. He looks so wasted, so defeated.

"Unfair saan? Hindi ba unfair din sa akin iyon? Dale, niloko mo ako! I didn't know what happened! I didn't know what's wrong with me! Hindi ko alam kung saan ba ako nagkulang! Hindi ko alam! Pakiramdam ko, ang pangit ko! Pakiramdam ko, ang daming mali sa akin! Pakiramdam ko, hindi ako kamahal-mahal!"

I let my heart scream. I let it cry everything it kept for the last five years.

"Mahal na mahal kita pero mas kailangan ako ng anak ko, Charm."