𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ☾︎ changki

C H P - 6

"I like you."

----

The words rang in Kihyun's ears, over and over like an alarm, yet his mind couldn't process them, just as it couldn't process a word as simple as "fracture." It was like he was forcing himself into denial: denial of the fact the man he was in love with was an ass, that his shattered heart had managed to be broken further, and that his best friend had just confessed to liking him. "I'm sorry, what was that? I-I... don't understand." He finally trailed his hesitant gaze up to meet Minhyuk's, and the sight awaiting him had his breath hitching.

"I like you, Kihyun."

"... B-but--"

"I only pretended to like Changkyun to get a reaction out of you... and I'm not telling you this because I want you to like me back, so don't worry, okay?" The hands that had pulled themselves away once more reached out to envelop his friend's fingers, his touch tender, nothing more. "I'm telling you because you're important to me. I'm telling you so you don't feel bad about liking Changkyun. I'm telling you so you don't feel like you're a bad person. I'm telling you so you don't feel unwanted. I'm telling you so that when you feel lonely, like you're not good enough for Changkyun or for life--and don't say you won't because I know you will--you'll be able to look back and realize that I'm here, that there is someone in this overcrowded and hopeless world that feels you're worth it, that loves you for you and your smile and your laugh and your messes. I don't want to force you to like me back, I just want to reassure you." He tried to smile, but the gesture ended up expressing a certain sadness and longing that did nothing in soothing either of them. Then for the last time, his grip tightened.

"Don't beat yourself up. You're too precious."

With that, Minhyuk slowly pulled himself away. He wouldn't deny that he yearned to keep his hands exactly where they were, warm within Kihyun's own, but he knew that separating himself was the right thing to do. "Don't remember what I said if you don't want to," he whispered softly. "See you tomorrow."

Then he was gone, and there was silence.

Overwhelming silence.

"Minhyuk, why...?"

Inside of Kihyun's chest, twisting and turning and roughly churning his organs, his heart almost stopped beating. He hunched over to hide his face as a sudden wave of tears flushed in his eyes, leaving them burning. He wanted to yank at his pink locks until the throbbing pain left behind was enough to override the suffering of his consciousness, of his being, but all he could do was sit there, barely breathing. "Why would you ever want me...?"

----

The following days passed by in an aggravating, snail-like pace: just the kind of pace that gave everyone a surplus amount of time to be alone with their thoughts.

Minhyuk had been acting the same as always, like he hadn't said anything regarding his feelings for Kihyun, yet any empath could have seen the despair building up within his skinny frame. He had grown closer with Jooheon in that time, too; maybe because they both had had their hearts broken and stomped on, or maybe because he wanted to forget about Kihyun by distracting himself with someone new.

Either way, being left alone with his thoughts... Kihyun only came to hate himself more. Growing up, he had alway been told that he was too kind, too trusting, that the copious amount of forgiveness held within his being would be his downfall, but he never listened. He thought that there was no such thing as being too kind, no such thing as being too forgiving, yet as he sat in his band chair, not being able to pull his gaze away from the flirty, unfazed, and charming Im Changkyun, he realized that everyone around him had been right.