Mar's Review Store

Through the Eyes of the Dying

keirasmurphy , your review by TheStargazer_ is ready.

Cover:

Your cover is somber and to the point, quite in line with the title of the book, focusing on the eye of someone. However, it strikes me as maybe too simple and not in tone with the teen fiction category we find it in. It might be the borders above and below the picture, but it feels more like a textbook, a nonfiction work rather than a love story between two teens.

I think that maybe a different cover might draw some more readers to your book. We are only human, and we do just books by their covers after all.

I'd give your cover a 2/5

Description:

I know the name of this section is "Description" but maybe you took it too literally? Having your readers connect with the characters before reading the book can be a good strategy to have them hooked and not give up after the first couple of chapters. However, it can also make people turn their back without giving them a chance.

In this case, it also felt like a copout from having to give the characters' background stories on the page. For example, about Juniper, you mention in the description:

"Her own dream is to become a singer, but her parents tell her to think realistically."

I didn't see this in depth at any moment during the story. Juniper's parents appear for one single short scene, when they're leaving the house. At no moment Juniper seems thorn about her career choice, nor does she mention her parents' feelings towards her passion.

As for Caiden, you mention he was diagnosed too late, but once again it was not mentioned on the book itself. So, something that could be a mystery to the reader, that makes us wonder about everything, is laid out clearly even before we start reading.

My advice to you here, would be to rewrite the description. Honestly, when I first read it, I was a bit unsure about the book and the story, but I ended up liking what I read. Due to all this and also some typos - that I'll mention later on - I'd give your description a 1/5

Content:

Just so you know I divided this in three points: Character development, plot and grammar, and I'll go in that order.

First of all, Character Development.

In fact, let's talk about all the characters we have around. There is Juniper and Caiden, of course, but then we have Zayn, Chloe, Katrina and even some other students, teachers and background characters. That is quite a cast of characters, one that can at times be hard to juggle and guide through a story, especially one written in first person limited.

However, you've done a very good job about giving all of them personalities, goals and relationships. They aren't just a backdrop for Juniper to have someone to interact with when Caiden is not around. The fact that Juniper has two best friends, one boy and one girl is also very refreshing!
Now, focusing on our two main characters.

Juniper is, obviously, a lovely and very talented girl. She is also kind, compassionate, she has a large vocal range and is a musical genius. However, for the first couple of chapters we aren't shown any of these characteristics of her, simply told. Everyone talks about her in such glowing terms but both us - the reader - and Caiden, have yet to see Juniper be any of these things.