Mar's Review Store

Kama: Liberation

Shivran86 , your review by sky_is_limit is ready.

Hi there! Here's your review! I hope I didn't take too long with it. I want to start by saying that I took World Religions this past semester and if I'm correct, your story deals with Hinduism? Sorry if I'm incorrect.

Title/Cover/Blurb:

 I think your title is really unique. With a search on Wattpad, I found that no other stories had the same except for things titled Kama Sutra. But as far as I saw, yours is the only of its kind. Furthermore, I think it fits well with the story and in my opinion, you did well in choosing it.

The cover could be a bit better. From a distance, the title is hard to read, and getting closer I feel the title should be a different color. It blends into the cover too much. The photo used is also a bit blurry and a little hard to see. I recommend using a clearer photo and changing the title color.

I'm not a fan of the blurb. I'd love to see something a bit more telling and hooking. The format doesn't do it 100% to me and it's just a bit vague. Consider reworking it just a bit.

Grammar: 

For the most part, I think grammar is done pretty well. Some things I found was the overuse of commas. Especially after dialogue, there would be a random comma placed after the quotation mark. For me, it disrupted the flow because I felt like it was all I could really focus on.

Sometimes, you veered towards the run-on sentence area. I felt like most of them could have been split and worded different. That's something to definitely look into so it can help the readability of your story.

There was a slight formatting issue that I would occasionally see. Most paragraphs had doubles spaces but some would have single spaces. That's something to look at and make sure you're being consistent.

Plot Development: 

Honestly, I loved every second of it. I think you have a very well-written story in your midst. While I don't know much about Hinduism save for what I've learned in school, I liked what I read.

It also helps that you have the glossary in the beginning. Anyways, I found the pace to be done well. The pass off between the characters in the writing was nice. In my opinion, I don't believe I found anything wrong with the flow.

I'm so sorry I don't have much to say. I genuinely liked what I read.

Character Development: 

So, I stopped after chapter five because I was on a time crunch, so this will be very brief.

I think you chose a good path to take by twitching between perspectives. Especially because it allows us to get a feel of all characters. You exceptionally well with dialogue and providing the character voices as they communicate with others.

So far, the character development seems steady and I think you're on a good path.

Overall Enjoyment: 

I love the spirituality behind the story. This is something I don't typically read and something I didn't expect to enjoy. But as I'm reading, I found myself appreciating what you've written. Very well done job.

Advice: 

Watch out for the grammar, really. It's the only 'issue' I see within your writing. That and keep up the good work!

☆

XOXO
Sky