Mar's Review Store

His Last Wish

ThatgoofyNerd , your review by sky_is_limit is ready.

Sorry it took so long!

Title/Cover/Blurb:

I think the title works. So far with what I’ve read, it doesn’t really match. But I believe that if I read further into it, then I would see where the title comes from. But it is also a little overdone. With a search on Wattpad, I found a plethora of other variations.

I think the cover could use some work. I don’t see how the image used relates to the premise or the theme of the story. Also, the title is a little hard to see and placed awkwardly. 

I like the blurb a lot. It tells me about the story without providing spoilers. It also leaves me hooked and wanted to know more about what will happen. Good job there.

Grammar:

Occasionally, I feel some words are misused. Or at least the wording is off sometimes and it makes the readability a little shaky. I’d also say be carful with run-on sentences. I saw a bit of those and they also hurt the readability.

The dialogue could use some work in terms of mechanics. For the most part, they look good. But sometimes they weren’t done properly so I would be careful with that. For speaking tags, they get commas and pronouns are lowercase unless a question mark or exclamation point is used. If it’s an action tag, periods, and capitalization.

Plot Development:

Off the bat, I think the prologue is a little too long. For me, I felt like a lot of information about looks and appearances was shoved in. It felt like a huge info dump towards characters when I would have loved to read more about that throughout the story than right there. 

Moving on, I also feel a bit like transitions from scene to scene or action to action was a bit brisk. Sometimes, there was a disconnect between a sequence of actions that I felt could use just a little bit of work. It would help the readability and smoothen out the flow of the story.

Other than that, I thin the concept is very unique. The idea of a girlfriend for a day as an assignment is quite nice. It reminds me of the baby projects where you have to take care of a bag of flour. But while it’s unique, I think the pace is a bit off. I can’t help but feel this is a little too fast. I at least would have liked to see more buildup to them and how they blossom. Things like Natasha and her piano seemed too personal to unload in chapter two.

Character Development:

Overall, I think the character development is fine. But again, the pacing is a little off.

For instance, Elijah. I love his creation because he’s different from guys in most stories. He seems softer with his constant blushing and stammering. It’s cute. But then he’s suddenly get a spike in confidence before reverting back. For me, it seems a bit abrupt and like it could use some fleshing out.

Natasha… sometimes her POV is confusing. She’ll describe something unnecessary or say something them contradict it. One instance is when she talks about her best fiend Emma. I couldn’t understand how that related to the story for that point in time. Furthermore, why is she relating that to being partnered with Elijah?

But so far, I’m enjoying their personalities. I would just make sure things are consistent with good flow and proper changes at the right time.

Overall Enjoyment:

I think the story is a great one. It has a lot of potential and I think it could be really popular. My only advice is to work on what I mentioned above.

☆

XOXO
Sky