Mar's Review Store

Feeling a little interest in him

Tanziaprapty , your review by shashi1903 is ready.

Title and Cover:

Yeah, I don't think the title is grammatically correct girl. I think the correct phrase would be 'Feeling A Little Interested In Him'. But it's a nice title, gives a good, cute vibe.

The cover illustrates the title perfectly, and I'm proud of you for that. It's simple and subtle yet conveys a great message. But, the letters are getting cut out again, so you need to do something about that.

Blurb:

The blurb is short and sweet. That's a good quality which you have achieved. Short blurbs are always better than long ones, and this one, radiates this strange mystery, which makes the reader interested.

It's good but has tons of grammatical errors and incorrect sentence structures. I think it should go like this, "Why do I think that he has something special within him? Something in his eyes, which makes me tranform into someone I don't know."

Content:

The introduction was lovely. It was gave us a small insight into your personality, and how you are growing as a writer. And the last line, about the story being dedicated to 'someone special' is absolutely adorable. It makes the story feel more interesting, knowing that the author has probably experienced what she's writing. Just some incorrect sentence structures here and there but other than that it's perfect.

Let's go chapterwise!

Chapter 1

I think you should start with Rafsan's dialogue. It would make the story start with a bang.

And please, at least in the first chapter, mention who's saying what dialogue, it becomes very difficult to follow.

I'm very confused for over three-fourth of the chapter. We need a little backstory, just to know why these people are so sad. Are these two best friends? Or did they date? Or were they about to?

I can feel her misery, those raw emotions. But you need to refine them and write. It's very well written, the emotions of the narrator are expressed very well, but I would recommend expanding your vocabulary and using more suitable words, to highlight the emotion.

Chapter 2

Girl, show some emotions of the characters as they talk to each other. Grace and Sydney are having a normal conversation, not an interview. And the way you've described her looking at the boy, that was gold. But you could've mentioned her feeling guilty about staring at the boy while she still had Rafsan.

Chapter 3

The way you changed the characters' point of views in the first paragraph itself really confused me. Maybe you should only stick to Grace or Sydney.

I find some conversations a little unnecessary, like the conversation Grace had with her parents during breakfast.

When a new character comes into the picture, it is your duty to give us an intro. Like how Rose entered, it should be like,
"Your name is Grace, right?" asked one of the friends, a <small description, like eyes, hair or smile or something>

And I was very excited when Rafsan called, and was equally disappointed when their call ended. There was nothing particularly interesting in that talk. It seemed too casual for two people who like each other.

But, I liked the cliffhanger that you ended the chapter with. Good job.

Chapter 4

The name is grammatically incorrect. Maybe go with 'Knowing *His* Name'?

Again, when someone new enters into the conversation, you need to mention that the person said the specific dialogue. That's the case with Bill. Even when she got the call from Rafsan, you need to mention that Rafsan was calling, and maybe show some emotion which goes through her. Like, tell us if she was nervous, or excited. We don't know the relationship between Grace and Rafsan yet. So give us some hints. Or if you intended us to know their relationship, then give a lot more hints than that.

Now I have to say it again. Try to make Rafsan and Grace's calls a little more juicy than that. I think you're trying to go subtle, but we need more. And Grace called Sydney a guy. You should change that.

Chapter 5

I think I've said it way too many times, but I'm gonna say it yet again. When someone new enters, specificy that they said the dialogue. And please give us a small description. I don't know what any of them look like.

The interaction between Flik and Grace is way too fast. First make them friends, then make them close enough to trust each other, and then make Flik tell her.

And you really can't become the best of friends with someone in just two days. You need to give us some kind of awkwardness between Sydney and Grace, like everyone has, before they become good friends.

I like the subtelty in the interactions between Arslan and Grace though. That's adorable.

Please, please mention who's saying what dialogue. It gets very very confusing.

And honey, having forty nine thousand friends is kinda irrational, don't you think? Normal people don't even have that many on social media. Maybe reduce it to four thousand, or better, four hundred?

Overall and Advice:

I think doing four individual chapter reviews was enough, let's get general now. Every interaction is way too rushed and even more than that, they are very very vague. You never mention who says what dialogue, and there are close to zero character descriptions. Even scenery descriptions are missing. The storyline is adorable, but it needs these specific characteristics to make it a good book.

There are way too many spelling errors, typos, punctuation errors and sentence structure errors which I think only an editor can fix. Be sure to check out our editing shop for that.

And for the descriptions and characters, I would just recommend reading a lot of books in the similar genre to get a good grip.

PM me if you need help with anything at all.

☆

XOXO
Shashi