885 Days [A Vikklan/Sidemen/Pack Story]

Four Hundred And Eighty Six Days Home

24 December 2018

The time between Lachlan's birthday and Christmas slid by without much notice, or any change. That block was still in place, there was no improvement, other than a slight increase in his energy levels and his ability to get through each day, plus a slight weight gain- he was 65kgs now. He was coping better with daily activities, but there was no improvement in terms of returning to a normal life. Coping was not any better.

However, the day before Christmas, Lachlan came to me with a quiet suggestion. Well, two suggestions- for the first time he wanted to leave the house, and he wanted to upload a video to his channel. It surprised me. He hadn't given me any indication before that moment that he wanted to do either of those things so the sudden change of heart made me so happy, because it was a sudden leap forward.

"Are... are you sure?" I asked him, squeezing his hand as he stared up at me earnestly. "It's almost Christmas Lachy, the shops are gonna be overrun with people..."

"Just... just to the supermarket." He whispered. "I don't wanna go far. Only for a couple of things. I wanna start slow, even if there is more people than normal. I wanna start somewhere, and I feel like I can do it now."

It took me a couple of minutes to think everything over. I was so happy that he wanted to do it, but I didn't know if I was ready for it. What happened if Lachlan freaked out in the store? Would I go alone or would someone else go with me? When? I was running over every possibility in my head when Lachlan spoke up again.

"If you... if you don't want me to-" He should discouraged, watching my face.

"What?! No, no, no!" I backtracked. "No, of course I want you to go through with it, I just... it's very sudden, that's all. And a video too?"

"Yeah. It's been... god, how long has it been?" He glanced to me.

"A year and four months." I answered. "Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn't it?"

"A year and four months. I think... I think my audience deserves some answers. I haven't left the house in that long, they don't know how I'm doing. I feel... I feel okay. Not good, but okay. He isn't in my every thought. He's there most of the time, but not all the time. I want to give them answers. I want to show my face again."

He started to sob after a moment, everything weighing on his shoulders was just too much. I had no idea how long he had been holding onto that information but it must have been quite a while given his reaction. I held him, whispering gentle words into his ear.

"If that's what you want to do Lachy, then I'll help you. If you want to go out then I'll be there, if you want to film a video then I'll help you." I finally said, comforting him as his sobs slowed to gentle hiccups. "I'll help you do it all Lachy, I promise. Whenever you're ready."

"Thank you Vikk." He whispered, hugging me. "I'm so glad you're here."

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We started with the supermarket, that evening because it seemed it was only in that moment that he was confident enough to go through with it. We waited until half past 10, half an hour before the store closed so it was quiet, before Rob, Jerome, Lachlan and I got in the car and went with the plan to get some popcorn, soda and cookies. You know, Christmas snacks.

"Ready Lachy?" I whispered, taking his hand. He sat beside me in the backseat of the car, frozen, but after some gentle encouraging he shifted from his seat and followed me into the store.

He never let go of my hand, entire body tense and eyes constantly swinging around him as he waited for something to happen. But nothing did- it was completely uneventful. We distracted him by getting him to help us chose the food and drink he wanted, got through the check out without incident and back to the car. Lachlan looked at me with wide eyes.