Killed With Kindness - Loceit

It was an accident I swear, it wasn't meant for them

Tw: Physical violence, intrusive/suicidal thoughts, brief self harm, Blood, Not unsympathetic Remus but he does some really questionable things

This chapter was supposed to be a bit angsty but mostly fluffy, I dunno how the hell it ended up like this. Since this wasn't originally planned this kind of fucks up the pacing so sorry

The first thing Remy did when they woke up was groan. They had a headache worse than the time they didn't sleep for 3 days and the sun that came in through the window only made it worse. All in all they felt absolute horrible from being hungover....and warm..weirdly warm as if a heavy blanket was on top of them.

When they looked down they realized Remus was snuggled up together with them. His head was leaned against their bare chest and his arms were wrapped around their waist. Their legs were tangled together.

The light was shining down on him making his olive toned skin shine and he looked so peaceful. Remy wished this moment could last. They wished they could lay here and gently comb through his hair forever.

After a while he let out a long yawn and stretched out like a cat before slowly opening his eyes. At first he smiled up at Remy but it quickly turned into a stale panicked expression when he remembered what had happened last night. He quickly moved away from them and stood up from the bed.

The room was quiet before Remus asked "Did w-we-"

"No! nonono we stopped before that we just ehm kissed and it was really...nice" Their hand moved up to trace over their lips. They wanted the tingly feeling of kissing him back.

"I-I was drun-nk I didn't mean anything! I me-eant it as much as I-I mean it when I say I wanna cut up babies to fill their insides with de-ead puppies!" The duke blurted out while taking a step back.

It felt like Remy's heart dropped before nearly disappearing completely from shame. They wanted to hide down under the covers and never leave their bed again. How stupid could they be. Actually believing that Remus would like them....Idiot.

"Yeah! Yeah! Same! You know how I can get when I'm like drunk of course I didn't mean any of it I was just sooo I dunno I never really wanted to kiss you" They forced a laugh after they'd lied.

The duke grabbed one of his t-shirt while nodding. He nearly ran out of the room. When he looked down and saw that there were hickies left from kisses on his neck and collar bones he felt nauseous.

He held onto his arms so hard that his knuckles whitened as he slid down on the ground with his back against the wall. All his thoughts were so muddled he didn't even know if he'd meant anything he'd said yesterday or not. He could barely even remember anything from yesterday either way. The only thing he was sure of was that Remy would never want him now when he hadn't even let himself be used by them.

He couldn't count on his finger the amount of times he'd tried to have normal conversations while his head had been pressed into a pillow or when there'd been hands around his neck since he knew his partner wouldn't listen to him if he was fully dressed. Of times he'd begged for a second date because he was so in love but instead he'd been left behind in a sticky bed in a cold hotel room. Of times he'd gotten yelled about being worthless and only good for one thing.

And now he'd destroyed his only chance with Remy as well.

It felt like all those horrible memories were happening all over again. When he glanced up the walls were shifting between the walls of different apartments he'd stayed at. If he was more connected to reality he would have realized his nails were imbedded so deep in his arms blood was pooling out.

The door opened which made him tense up "Hey, you ok̸̢a̛̕͡ỳ̸̨̨͠ ̛̛͡g̶̡̢i̢͝r̸̷͢͠ĺ̡̢͝" The words seemed to distort at the end and instead shifted into "Hey, you okay cutie?"