Bad Habits | Herophine #1

XVI

-Crash & Burn-

The next morning, I was so sore, my abs hurt as did my thighs and arms, but I'd never slept more soundly in my life, I felt hands caress my back, turning over I saw Jax smile at me. "I got you breakfast." He said in a cool tone, I kissed him on the cheek softly and thanked him, I wasn't really hungry I explained, I was still on a cloud after last night, just as I was getting up to brush my teeth I got a phone call from my sister.

"Hey fancy pants." She teased, knowing who I was with and what I was probably doing ⁠—or did⁠— "Your car needs a tune up, you can bring me the car and tell your millionaire boyfriend to drive you back to wherever you were. "Um, first of all, good morning, second he's not my boyfriend. yet." I could feel her eyes roll on the other side of the phone. "Whatever, I want to kill two birds with one stone, bring me your car and you can go back to Beckett land." She teased and hung up. I grunted in exasperation and began to brush my teeth, a knock interrupting my frustration. "Everything good? Sounds like a baby deer was dying in here." He smiled, doing that tongue thing he did.

"I have to take my car back to my sister's she's being lazy and doesn't want to return to the garage to get it tuned up again." Jax smiled. "That's not a problem, I'll take you and bring you back, that way you can pack another bag and stay over." He winked. Another night? did that mean I wasn't just another notch on his belt? I smiled to myself and rinsed out, immediately taking a shower so that we could get my car over with. I slid into a short white sundress with sunflowers on it, and white converse, I tied my hair in a high ponytail and admired how long it had grown since I cut it at the beginning of the semester.

"Your clothes from yesterday are in the dryer, I washed them this morning." Jax said as we both reached for our keys, I drove back home as he followed me and River's car was gone as Logan stood on our stoop beckoning me inside, then it hit me. Logan hadn't met Jax personally, those were the two birds she wanted to kill with one stone, taking my car and meeting Jax. ⁠—I'm gonna kill her— "That your boyfriend in the 'Stang?" She said sipping on her coffee and wiggling her brows at me. I shut my eyes tight after rolling them at her. "Logan, I'm going to say this kindly and I wish not to hurt you. He is NOT my boyfriend." She looked at me. "Yet..." She stated before I could say it, walking away.

"Tell him to come inside." She mused. "It's gonna get hot in the mustang if he stays in the sun, you know how this part of town is." I shook my head as I walked toward my driveway, Jax was leaning against my car, looking for shade I guess. "Jax... Come on in." I heard Logan say before I opened my mouth, ⁠—Yep, I was gonna kill her⁠— Jax stepped away from my car looking at me confused after thanking her for inviting him inside, Jax was never rude on purpose. "You have a lovely home, Logan." He complimented, "I swear I had nothing to do with it." I whispered as he made his way inside. "Thank you, so kind of you to notice." She paused and I knew disaster was on the way. "So Jax, you've been awful close to my sister these past couple of months, how are you liking her company?"

She questioned as I closed my eyes and gripped the bridge of my nose, Logan sucked at interrogations she ended up liking the person or disliking them on the spot but it would forever be awkward for the person she interrogated. "Oh dear God Logan." I looked at Jax. "She wants to know if we're dating. I told her not yet." Jax stifled a laugh. "You don't need to worry Logan, she's in good hands." Logan nodded as if taking notes as I dragged Jax up to my room. "We're gonna go, I'll deal with you later." I threatened Logan who was a ball of laughter in the kitchen.

"Nice loft bed, what are you sixteen?" He poked fun of my bed and I punched his arm despite agreeing with him. He looked around at my room, luckily it was organized. "I wouldn't expect anything less, your room is absolutely you." I packed enough for about two days, not knowing how spontaneous Jax was going to be, we said goodbye to Logan who ended up approving of him and I left in Jax's car, leaving my own behind.

Once in his place we watched movies, made love, listened to another one of his vinyls, made love, ordered take out, made love, I was happy, I was content, but there was a doubt in the back of my mind that wouldn't let me rest until I let it out, Jax was holding me in his arms when I asked the question that would take me down a black hole I was never to get out of. "So, you met my sister today." He agreed. "I've met your dad and sister..." He agreed to that also. "I also let you make love to me, multiple times..." He looked down at me smiling. "Yes, I've taken the liberty to be the first at a lot of things for you today eh?" He quipped.

"Does that mean we're official?" I shot watching his smile fade. "No... That's not what it means." I was confused now, I let myself out of his grip and sat up in his bed wrapping the sheets around me. "What does it mean then Jax?" I questioned, my brows melding into each other as he slipped on his Calvin Klein black boxer briefs. "It just means I was the first man to ever be inside you Faith." My heart stopped, my blood ran cold, I felt faint, I shook my head, maybe I hadn't heard correctly ⁠—but I did⁠— he was clear, before I could realize what I was doing, I jumped off the bed feeling nauseous, I gathered my clothes and put on my dress, almost falling as I slid my high tops on, "Faith, What are you doing?" He asked and I couldn't find my voice, I went mute, the nausea was hitting me hard, threatening to spill my guts out on his brand new rug.

I collected all my things and headed for the door. "Faith!" He called after me but I was gone. out in the open, I took a breath of fresh air and realized I couldn't get an Uber to his address, it was a very private gated community despite being a building, my throat was dry but I kept walking, I didn't know where to turn as I'd only driven my car here so I took that route on foot. I felt a vehicle reach me, I almost tripped when I realized it was Jax.

"I told you I don't do relationships, now you can get in my car and I can take you back home or at least let me put you in a cab if you still want to leave!" He proposed, I stopped in my tracks.

"No Jax! You need to make a choice." I shook my head realizing I was now crying at the same time I was yelling. "Did you ever even want me?" My voice faded at the end of the sentence while Jax's eyes wandered as mine watered even more. "I can't do this right now Faith, I told you I'm no good! I'm no good for you, I'm no good for anybody!" I stood there in disbelief.

"But you're good enough to make love to me, pretend like you care and then act like nothing's happened? I'm not a cold-hearted bastard like you Jax." I yelled at the top of my lungs and turned back around to keep walking.

"I have a heart, a heart you just broke into a million pieces." I turned enough to face him, wiping my tears. "Don't worry about me Jax Beckett, I'll find my way home." I walked what seemed to be ages until I reached the strip and was able to get an Uber.

My house was empty, it was probably date night for River and Logan, As for me I wanted to wash him away, I prepared a tub with bath bombs sat in them and cried I couldn't help but recall the words Elijah said to me months back, the hurt was so bad, I don't think Logan, River or even Elijah could put me back together again.

We can't help who we love, and I happened to love him, I had a normal life until Jax Beckett, I had a best friend, I partied, I loved and hard, he came along with his warning labels and previews and he hid in that guise so well that I dismissed the entire working crew flagging me down before I stopped, now I'm in this tub, In love with an unattainable man and with a hole the size of Alaska in my chest, ice and all... I was so stupid.