Sick in love.

1. Gay? Why him?

"Anna, I think I'm in love with you. All these years I was confused with my feelings and more importantly about my sexuality. I never knew what I felt for you was love, I'm must be an idiot for denying it everytime my heart twitched while being around you. I don't know why but somehow I convinced myself that I was attracted to men, maybe because they were easier to deal with than women who according to me were simply complicated. A small part in me always objected my choice which I was ignorant about until the day I decided to put an end to this unsettled feeling I had in my heart ever since you invaded my mind. But now that I know what I am, will you be my girl, my partner for life cause I really love you Anna. " he confessed his feelings holding me close to him. I felt the world around me slowly come to a stand still. Everything froze.
I couldn't wrap my head around his words nor believe my ears. No,this got to be my hallucinations ,nevertheless I wanted it to be true because I was madly in love with him. I was yearning to hear those words from his mouth from the day I met him. Jordan was all I ever wanted, he was my best friend, the sweetest guy I have known. Scanning his face I searched for love in those beautiful orbs and I found it in its purest form. Happy tears left my eyes as I threw myself in his arms and hugged him as if my life depended on it.

" I love you Jordan .This is the greatest day of my life. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You don't have any idea about how much I love you. Eventhough it took you ages to realize it, its worth the wait. " I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't help but pour my heart out to him.

He held my face ever so tenderly
between his palms and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. I leaned in to his touch. The love and affection was evident in his gaze and it made my heart flutter in glee .Staring deeply into my eyes ,he leaned in for a kiss. With a shade of pink spreading all over my cheeks, I closed my eyes ready to loose my first kiss to the one I want to spent the rest of my life with. He bridged the gap between us and just when our lips met ,I was jerked away. Somebody kept shaking me, and the moment my eyes shot open I knew I was tricked yet again . It was a fucking dreammm????God!!!!!!, if this keeps on happening again , you're gonna loose me from your follower list soon. All I ever asked you was Jordan .I promise, I won't bother you then.

And guess the one to slap me back to reality, in case you guessed it wrong ,it's my roommate who also happens to be Jordan by the way. My parents only let me share a room with a boy after knowing that Jordan was a gay , which was a lie I told them then when I myself didn't know he was actually a homosexual.
I still vividly remember the day when I sneaked into his room to steal his hoodie but instead caught him jerking himself under the blanket watching a gay porn .At first I was stunned and confused with his behavior and then the realization hit me like a thousand bricks thrown at my heart, shattering it at once. Never in my wildest dreams I thought he would turn a gay. A freaking GAY!!!!!!!

And because his stupid ass never felt it necessary to share his sexuality with me, I fell more and more in love with him. Even to this day I still hate him for keeping it a secret from me , had he been more open about his taste ,I wouldn't have been this crazy about him.
I let out a defeated sigh as I saw him sit next to me oblivious to my feelings for him and also how moments ago he made me feel the most happiest girl in the world and then killed her the very next moment by bringing her back to the unpleasant reality of life.
" Uhh.. get off my bed Jordy and stop shaking me. You just ruined my dream ,I was literally living my fantasy ". I pushed his hands off me and sat up stretching my arms out.

" Ohh I see. May I know what your 'fantasy 'was about. I'm curious . " he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
" No, you don't need to know." I shook my head.

" Hey that's not what bestfriend's do. They share everything with each other, even the dirtiest of secrets. " he said scooting closer to me .

" Well my dear bestfriend you didn't tell me the biggest secret of your life until I caught you. Remember? " I countered sounding sarcastic.
Without responding to me, he laid by my side, with both his hands folded behind his head and turned towards me with his signature smirk plastered on his gorgeous face. I always skipped a beat every time he shared a bed with me looking ever so handsome like that. Imaginations can be wild you know..