Ch. 9 😇🚩

117 6 1

by RM_RealMe25

by RM_RealMe25

**Some self harm triggers**

"Miss, he is lucky to be alive." Dr. Park said

"Yes, thank you. I understand." I said automatically and bowed.

(2 years later)
'I sat next to Namjoon's bedside for the last 2 years! I dont understand why this is happening.' I thought to myself. I hated myself for what happened to him. I thought I was useless and all the people would listen to me. There were only 5 people that made me feel safe. Jin, J-hope, Suga, V, and Jungkook. I loved those boys like they were family. I found them after they heard about the accident. I guess they used to play in a band or something? I think it was called Bangtan Sonyeondan? I don't know.

Anyways, they helped me out but when I wasn't with them I was dealing with Joon. My year and a half year old. I had him after the accident, he is growing up. But I didn't care. He started walking and talking a little. It wasn't what is was supposed to be. I just felt he was a burden. But I cared for him because I knew that's what Namjoon would have wanted. He would ask why we visit a stranger at the hospital everyday. I kept telling him that's his dad but he didn't believe me. I would cry, it was heartbreaking to hear my child call his father a stranger when he was around him every day. I cut my wrists and my legs trying to hide them from the boys and my son. But they all found out and made me go to counseling for a year. That didn't work, I was so depressed by everything. I would watch the blade slide down and feel the high of the adrenaline and the chemical imbalances. I loved the high and I loved the feel of the blood on my arms. I would burn my arms with a lighter that we bought for Joon's birthday. I have hundreds of scares on my body. I hated the scares but loved the rush. I felt like a drug addict!

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It's 2:55 in the morning I'm supposed to be asleep but... Insomnia is kickin my ass. Listening to Euphoria piano and it's soothing.

Please ask questions about anything!