I'm Fine

Chapter 7 Deep thoughts?

A/n umm since I can only write after mental breakdowns about my gender identity I guess I'll update like every 2 or 4 days at like 2 am (for me) so yeah fuck schedules haha haha you didn't come to read this (if you read it) on to the trash :)

Izuku POV
Soo, I may or may not of had second thoughts... I decided to throw out the plans and say. Fuck it. Let's see what the world wants to do to me. Haha.

I'm so done with life right now. Like does the world hate me?Don't answer that. Who the fuck am I talking to. Haha. Am I insane? I'm not gonna answer that either.

I look over to my phone. Checking it. I read 2:55 AM.
"How nice" I say to myself out loud. What's the point of sleeping now. I'm gonna be released in 2 days and be put into some orphanage or some fucked up foster home. I chuckle to myself.

What has my life come to. When did it go wrong. I start humming a song. The strays by sleeping with the sirens. One of my favorite songs. It always seems to calm me down. But then again it also makes me break down.

Like now. I feel big fat tears roll down the sides of my cheeks. I start singing the lyrics not caring if anyone hears me anymore.
((Cue song idc ya want idc))
"Pubcats and ashtrays,
I was born but, I wasn't raised,
The big wheel, the black space,
Tried my best but wasn't praised,

Hell is so close to heaven,
Hell is so close to hEAvEn,

Hold on don't look back
You know we're better, we're better then that,
LoST and ThrOwn away,

You know we're bETter we're bEtter then that~
We are the strays~ woah oh oh
We are the strays~"

I continue to sing the lyrics even though my voice kept cracking from crying so much. Wow how pathetic I am. Sitting a hospital bed. No family left. Breaking down over some stupid thoughts. Talking to myself like there are two people in the room.

A sob escapes me. Loud and ugly. I chuckle to myself. What right do I have. I let my mom die. Because of me. It's my fault. I would be much happier if I had died instead. Even if I went to hell. I wouldn't of cared.

Then I remembered.
.
.
.
"Oh shit I was suppose to meet All Might" I realized I ditched the All Might. How amazing. I start laughing to myself at the irony of this situation.
"I wonder if I did something in the life before to deserve karma fucking me so much" ((kinky)) I say to myself laughing while I watch the tears spill from my eyes.

I try to pull myself together and distract myself but nothing seemed to work. Then I look at my surroundings. The sun peeking out from the trees. The room having this glow to it. All the lights out. It's beautiful. Like I'm in auto pilot. I walk over to the window. Opening it. Sticking my head out looking around taking in the fresh morning air.

Then I think.
I could end it all here.
Right now.

No one would miss me, at all. It's not like I have anyone left. I start to smile a bit. I could end it and make everyone happy. But if I fail then I'll be the laughing stock. The bullies would get worse. But if I go head first I have no chance of survival. Right?

Yeah. It will work. Middle school won't miss me. Then. Todoroki flashes in my mind. He's the only one that treats me right. In his eyes I'm not the outcast dumb kid. But then again, he could be using me. But I'm use to that. But I've tried so hard. No one ever noticed it. Not even my 'friends'.

Just me Todoroki, anxiety, depression and ,loneliness. ((same TvT except not todo jus me and meh girlfriend)) I'm sure Todo-Chan will just forget about me. Yeah, he has better things besides his father that asshole but he has siblings. Yeah I'm sure there close.

I look at my phone, checking the time for hopefully the last time. 6:02 AM. Good enough. I send a quick text to Todo-Chan saying I'm sorry but good bye and thanks for being my first true friend. Hopefully he's not up. Yet a part of me doesn't want him to be sleeping. But there's nothing left in this world.

Wait wasn't I just saying a couple hours ago to see what the world has in store for me?! Holy shit am I a girl. AM I ON MY PERIOD. I start mentally screaming. All the thoughts that were bad were being replaced with my gender.

Why do I have mood swings so much? Do men have periods? Am I bi-polar? What even is a period? How does it work? I don't really know since my mom wouldn't talk about it since I didn't really need to know. I contemplate my life choices asking myself if men have menstrual cycles and if so are they the same as Women? All these thoughts crossing my mind I don't know what to believe.

It's like my brain is going a 1000 miles a minute and I can't tell what it what? Soon though I end up crashing having gone back to the bed laying down. Then soon before I fall asleep I think.

Would I be payed if I were the first male to have a period?

After that I'm out like a light. Finally peaceful darkness. A dreamless sleep.
Little did I know I forgot to delete the text I sent to todo-chan.

Next day- (just a little see into the future I guess)

I slowly wake up to someone slamming my hospital door opened. I groan wanting to sleep more. But then I hear someone yell my name. Some memories from last night flood in to my head and I'm woke now.

"Mother-fucker"
.
.
.
(Umm I hope you liked it if you read sorry if it's short TvT I try to make them at least a 1000 words at least. Except prologue XD