Have Faith In Me (Sequal to IHBNY and Trust) (Kellic)

16

Kellin's POV

I stood in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror and holding the bottle of pills tightly. Tears were streaming down my face as I looked at myself with self-hatred. I took a pill, just one, only a single one, and I hated myself for it. I couldn't stand to look at my pathetic self anymore, so I took the pills back to my room where there were no mirrors and say down on the edge of the bed.

It would be so easy to take the rest of them, and I really wanted to. Things keep going wrong in my life. Lately it seems I can't go more than a few days without something going wrong. Maybe it's my destiny to be a complete train-wreck. I just want to take the pills so I could forget everything I just saw. The pills would make me feel better, they always did. With shaky hands I pour some into my hand and look down at them.

I had come so far from who I used to be, and just like that I slip so easily. It wasn't fair. I worked so hard to get better! Anger overcame me and I threw the pills and the bottle at the wall as hard as I could and all the pills scattered out on the floor. I cried harder and moved back on the bed, laid down and curled up into a ball. It was all I could do right now, just cry my heart out. I didn't want to move anywhere because if I got up then I might change my mind and take the pills, but I knew deep down I didn't want that, so I stayed in my spot.

It just hurt so much thinking about what happened two years ago. I had pushed it from my mind and now it was back and I just couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what my father had done, It was horrible and confusing. I just wanted to forget and the next best option other than drugs is to fall asleep, so that's what I did, I cried myself to sleep. I was woken up a while later by a frantic voice.

"Kellin, Kells, please, wake up," Vic said desperately. I felt hands on my face as I brought myself to wake up. I opened my eyes, seeing Vic hovering above me. A look of relief flashed in his eyes.

"Oh thank God," he sighed. In my tired state I briefly wondered why he sounded so worried about, and then I remembered the pills. It must have looked bad to Vic.

"I'm sorry," I said as tears formed in my eyes again.

"How many did you take?" he asked. I looked away from him, feeling ashamed of myself.

"Just one," I choked out, "I....I couldn't do it."

"Why would you do that? What happened?" he asked softly, but firmly. I didn't want to talk about it, not yet, I just wanted comfort from my boyfriend. I told myself earlier I was going to be less selfish, but I need this right now.

"Please just....just hold me," I pleaded. I felt so exhausted. Maybe that was the effect of that one pill or maybe I really was emotionally exhausted. Vic kept that worried expression on his face and he looked confused.

"Please," I whispered and took his hand in mine. He frowned, but nodded slowly before laying down in bed, facing me, and wrapped his arm securely around my small frame. It was exactly what I needed right now. He was the only person in the world that could make me feel safe.

"I just want you to be happy, Kellin. I don't understand. Have I done something?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No, it wasn't you, I promise. I'll tell you in the morning, I just can't right now," I said. I was scared to tell Vic about what I saw. I knew he'd just get angry and right now I didn't need him to go off on a rage. I just needed him to be here and to be calm.

"Okay," he whispered, sounding confused. He ran his fingers through my hair lovingly and kissed my forehead. "Everything will be okay."

Just those words were enough to make me cry. Would things really be okay? I was just so down and devastated right now and I was so completely over life constantly throwing me punches and all I wanted to do was cry while Vic held me close and ran his fingers through my hair. Once again I eventually fell asleep to the sound of Vic telling me over and over everything would be okay.