Addicted to you- Alec Lightwood

15- Conflict in the Institute

A/N- Just a warning, there will be multiple arguments in this chapter so it will be longer than the rest. Those who don't care about the length, enjoy! Plus, we are up to 500 reads now. Thank you so much!

Ethan and Simon broke apart, and it was seeing Simon's gleeful face that made Ethan realise he had made a huge mistake. His emotions were now levelling, his head was now clear and he now knew that he had given Simon a substantial amount of false hope, and he felt guiltier than he ever had before.

"Simon, we need to talk when we get back to the Institute," Ethan whispered to him, "alone"

Alec looked away as Simon nodded at Ethan. He felt torn, and couldn't bring himself to look at Ethan and Simon. He knew that there was something there between them, something underlying that he couldn't quite figure out. But now it was there in the open, and he didn't like seeing it. As if imagining it happening wasn't bad enough.

Ethan saw the look on Alec's face and he sighed, walking over to the raven haired Shadowhunter. 

"I didn't feel anything you know," he said to him, "it was a mistake. A mistake that has probably cost me the best friend I ever made"

The Shadowhunter group began walking back to the Institute. Alec took a while before replying to Ethan.

"So... you seriously didn't feel a thing when you kissed him? Nothing at all?"

Ethan gave Alec an inscrutable look "I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. And I suppose, I was so relieved that he was safe, that my emotions were out of balance. As soon as it had ended, I felt guilty"

Alec sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide how relieved he was that Ethan didn't feel anything for the mundane. 

"So... what are you going to do?" Alec asked, as the new Shadowhunter proceeded to look even guiltier than before.

Ethan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I have to talk to him and tell him it was a mistake. He's not going to like it, and no doubt I might lose him as a friend, but he needs to know. God, why did I do it?"

Ethan turned and punched a nearby wall in frustration, then howled in pain. 

"Fuck!" he yelled, "Why the hell did I think I'd feel better after that?"

The rest of the Shadowhunters turned around at the yell, and Simon came over to Ethan and wrapped an arm around him. 

"Why did you do that?" Simon asked, as he ran his fingers lightly over Ethan's knuckles.

"Frustration," Ethan mumbled, dragging his hand out of Simon's grasp.

Simon sighed and turned Ethan around to face him.

"I know the party was a dead end, but we can still find your mom. I'm here for you, Ethan, through everything. I promise, we will find her in the end"

Despite the guilt, Ethan smiled at Simon gratefully. He knew that, no matter what he did, he would have his best friend back in the end, after an awkward patch (which was inevitable after the kiss).

"Thank you, Simon, I don't know what I'd do without you"

Simon smiled back at Ethan and kissed his head lightly, then wandered off to join Clary. 

Ethan sighed and turned to Alec. "I just made it worse didn't I?"

Alec nodded, the corners of his mouth threatening to curl up into a smile. He felt no sympathy for the mundane and what he would go through later.

"You did indeed, Ethan"

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