Smile at Secrets.

Chapter 2

        *BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* “ugh!” I groan rolling over grabbing my phone shutting my alarm off. I don’t want to get up; I don’t want to go to school. Grace didn’t return my text. “I knew she was homophobic! Why do I screw everything up?” I lay in bed for a few more minutes before getting up. I sluggishly carry my body to the bathroom to fix my puffy tear stained face into something decent. I wash it thoroughly and put a light foundation on so it’s not noticeable. I look in the mirror, gripping the sides of the sink. “Hannah, you got this! You need to act today, be happy! You are happy!” I tell myself smiling and walking back into my room to change into my uniform. I look at the time, 6:45am. “Time to do my homework!” I pull my maths out and start it. This work is so easy; I finish it really fast! Well, if you can say 15 minutes for one page fast. I shove the work into my bag, taking everything downstairs; I am greeted by a very tired looking Mamrie; still in her pyjamas, with really messy hair. “Someone just woke up, good morning!” I chirp hugging her from behind, “Hannah, I love you, but I have been up for five minutes, so please leave me alone for 20 minutes.” She groans rubbing her eyes with both hands. I shrug grabbing a glass of water and some pancakes that dad must’ve made. They’re cold but I don’t mind, I cut up some banana and put it on top of the small stack.

            I sit across from Mamrie and she smiles at me. “Are you okay kiddo?” she asks me, I roll my eyes at her, “Mames, you are only like 14 months older than me, I am not a ‘kiddo’. But yes, I am okay, I’m perfectly fine!” I check my phone, still no text from Grace, my heart shatters, but I keep it cool on the outside. “Mames, why aren’t you getting ready?” I enquire, I check the time, it was 7:55, and she usually leaves at 8. “I’m not going in today, I have to go to the doctors to make sure my knees are okay to compete” she replies smirking. “Shit shit shit shit! I have to catch the bus!” is all that is going through my mind, I open my mouth to say that I don’t want to go by bus, but all that comes out is: “Okay cool, I don’t mind taking the bus. See ya sis!” I chirp, skipping to get a banana, blowing a kiss to Mamrie before walking out. Getting on the bus, blasting whatever music comes onto my iPhone.

            The knot in my stomach grows and grows as we approach Grace’s stop. The driver doesn’t stop, “wait, does that mean she isn’t coming today?” the knot in my stomach loosens a bit, but I still feel like I will vomit everywhere if anyone touches my stomach. I walk to my locker, and grab my stuff for first period. I continue to search for Grace whilst walking to class, but she isn’t anywhere to be seen. I get to class 5 minutes early, so I take my phone out and text her “I know you hate me, everyone does, but it’s okay. If I am the reason you’re not at school I understand. Sorry for being gay, I tried so hard not to be. ~Hannah” I sigh, moments later, the bell goes and the class piles in.

~~~~~

I keep up my act for the day, until lunch, when I see Tyler, “Hey girl hey! How are you!?” he chirps giggling a bit. I smile “Yeah, Tyler, I am good, how are you?” he smirks at me pulling me close to me leaning in to whisper in my ear, “I totally made out with Troy Sivan last night!” he giggles blushing. “Good on you Ty!” I act happy, but I am just so heartbroken. The rest of my day is a blur; I start blaming everything on myself.

            As soon as I get home, I check my phone again, still nothing, from no one.  “I know that I am not good enough for her.” I start cackling at my own thoughts, like why do I like her? What even is the point of liking anyone from a catholic school? It is honestly stupid! “Hey Hannah! You are a freak! Your own parents don’t even want you!” I grab my pillow and scream into it bursting into tears after I run out of breath, with a hoarse throat. “Why is it always me?” I murmur to no one in particular. I hear the front door open and wipe furiously at my eyes, opening my Tumblr just before Mamrie walks into my room breaking out into some sort of song, “I can cheeeerrrrr, I am sooooo happp- wait Hannah, whats wrong? Are you okay?” she asked, rushing to sit next to me, “Yeah Mames, I am all good.” I say smiling, “Well hate to break it to ya sister, you have obviously been crying. I want to know what happened!” she demands grabbing my hand stroking it reassuringly. I sigh bursting into tears again “I t-told Grace that-t I w-was gay and she d-didn’t reply a-and she wasn’t a-at sch-school!” I lean into Mamrie and she rubs my back trying to get me to stop. She grabs my phone, I just let her do whatever she wanted, she was angry, and I didn’t want to make her madder. I hear her tapping away for a bit, then she gave my phone back to me, “That should fix that!” she says rather proudly, I wipe my eyes seeing what she did, she texted Grace, of course she did that. The text reads: “Hi Grace, this is Hannah’s sister Mamrie, I know you know me. Listen, I have worked so hard to build my little sisters confidence up because our parents tried to kick her out because she happens to be gay! It doesn’t matter okay!? I have her here in my arms right now crying her eyes out because she lost a ‘friend’! Look, I don’t want hate you because you seem(ed) like a good kid for Hannah to be friends with, you know, someone that would stand up with her and protect her after Tyler and I leave! She still has two more years of high school left and she needs a friend so she doesn’t get beaten up again! How dare you hurt my little sister?” I smile and look up to Mamrie, “Thank you sis.” I whisper, she just smiles at me in response. The house phone breaks our moment; Mamrie grabs it off my desk, “Hello?” Mamrie says into the phone, “It’s for you” she says giving me the phone walking out of my room to give me some privacy, I put the phone to my ear. “Hannah speaking.” I say into the phone, “Hannah? Oh thank god.” Wait is that Grace? “Grace? What the hell?” I shout into the phone, I am so mad and confused! “Listen to me Hann-“ I cut her off, “No! Grace! Why should I listen to you!? You are going to say what an abomination I am!” I scream into the phone, hot tears running down my cheeks. “No Hannah! No I’m not! Listen to me okay?” I stay silent, “My dad saw the text you sent, he took my phone! He told me that I couldn’t go to school today! It killed me! Okay? I feel so helpless! He changed my pass-code to my phone so all I can see is you texting me! I am on the house phone because my parents aren’t home. They will be shortly though. Do you want to talk all this over with a coffee or tea at Starbucks, in say an hour?” I try to process this, all that comes out of my is a simply, barely audible, “yes.” I hang up straight after. “MAMRIE I’M GING TO NEED A RIDE TO STARBUCKS IN 40 MINUTES! THAT WAS GRACE!” I yell to Mamrie running to have a quick shower and make myself half decent.