Stop Crying Your Heart Out - McLennon AU

25.

(A/N- ajdjskkekddkkdkdendiskskdk)

25th April, 1963

John bounced his foot up and down lightly on the bottom of the baby chair Julian was sat in, looking up at his father, his dummy in his mouth.

The bouncing up and down didn't seem to be tiring Julian out as much as it did John though, and the man soon came to the realisation that the movement wasn't going to send his baby to sleep anytime soon, and his leg was beginning to ache too.

The man ran two hands through his hair again, groaning out loud.

"Come on, Julian... It's half 3, now... You should have been asleep half an hour ago."

But when he moved his hands away from his shattered eyes and looked into Julian's, the baby continued to stare at him, continuing to happily suck his dummy. The baby's eyes were wide open.

"Please?" But when there was obviously no reaction, John just groaned again. "Fine... Come on then, we'll go on a walk." He sighed.

John leant down to the chair, picking up Julian and carrying him to the hallway where his pram was. When the baby was gently laid inside, John reached underneath for his blanket.

His gaze immediately landed on the folder lying on-top of the blue blanket. The black marker on the front read 'For Paul M. From Astrid Kers.' And then his address underneath.

John sighed once more.

"Hey Julian, should we go and see un- Paul?" He stopped himself from saying uncle, the word sounding weird to him now after what they had done.

Unsurprisingly, there was no surprise.

"I'll take that as a yes..." John muttered, placing the folder safely back under the pram, standing up from his crouching position. "Come on then..."

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As John turned a corner, Paul and Jane's house was in sight. John stopped, staring at the door, his breath beginning to pick up.

Oh God... What if Jane is in?

When John thought his plan through his head once more, he realised how stupid it was.

Just to go straight up to his best friends door and knock, waiting for him to let John in with open arms. The fact was that Paul probably didn't even want to speak to John...

Who could blame hi-

"John?" A confused and sort of scared voice asked from behind.

John squeezed his eyes shut in regret, immediately recognising it.

I shouldn't have come here...

"Paul..." He sighed, slowly turning his head. "What are you doin' here?"

"I uh... I was just walkin' home from work."

"Ah."

"So do you want to come in?" Paul asked, a vague look of hope in his eyes.

"If you don't mind..." Paul shook his head, leading the way.

But he didn't acknowledge Julian this time, which made John's heartbeat speed up.

What if he hated Julian now, too?

He shook his head at the thought.

Paul loved that baby, he had done ever since he first held him.

"You okay?" Asked Paul, catching a glimpse of John's stressed figure behind him.

"Yeah... I- Is Jane in?"

"No."

Good.

"She's at uh... I think she's at work, I can't remember." Paul sighed, opening the gate to his front garden.

John could see Paul's hand shanking slightly as he put the key in the door lock, slipping his shoes off as he walked in and held the door open for the older man.

"Thanks..." John spoke awkwardly, slipping his shoes off too.

When he leant down into the pram to pick up Julian, he noticed how the baby was now fast asleep.

Thanks a lot, Julian. Couldn't you have just slept before instead...?

But deep down he knew it was his own mess anyway, and that he'd have to sort it out at some point.

"Uh, I got something for you, Paul." John told the man, who seemed to be staring at the floor in a conflicted thought process. "Paul?"

"Hm?" He shot his head up, scratching the back of his neck.

"There's something in the bottom of the pram for you."

"Oh, right." Paul said, reaching underneath the pram. "Does Julian want his elephant?"

"No, he's asleep."

"Right." Paul nodded, placing the elephant back down. "This it?" He asked, holding up the folder for John to see.

"Yeah."

"Right, cheers." He stood back up, standing in that same place for a while.

John lightly coughed, breaking the silence.

"Should we go into the living room?" He suggested, trying to get rid of the awkward tension as best as he could.

"Yeah." Paul agreed, quickly leading the way, followed by John who pushed forward the empty pram with one hand.