streetlight ♫ - seo changbin

chapter 3:

(y/n's pov)
"i'd rather get run over by a car than go back home" i said while getting his hand off from my wrist, changbin chuckled and a stranger came up to us and said "dude she's bad news, why didn't you just let her go?" my heart sunk when i heard that but i couldn't just cry in front of them. "the world would be better off without people like her you know that right?" the stranger almost nagged changbin, i covered my pain with a smile and agreed to everything he said even though it hurts that my existence itself was a nuisance.

the stranger turned to me and i realized it was someone i knew back in high school, "kyung?" i asked and then laughed a bit. "only now you recognized me?" he gave a another glare at me while i laughed even more, "you haven't changed at all, you're still a person who tries to stand up for someone but it never works", and when i said that kyung looked like he was going to punch me. "the world would be a better place without you, look how miserable everyone is cause of you" i looked around and saw people just glaring at me. the fact i had no idea who those people are but they knew me was surprising.

"y/n" kyung called me as i took off my earphones and hummed in response, "karma always happens ya know?" he smirked while walking off. i was about to punch him but i stopped myself, "yea i know i deserved it" i shrugged and noticed changbin was still there, "go while you still can" i shooed him off and he left. kyung came up to me and slapped me in the face, "you stole from my family to try and save your pathetic mother?" he scoffed while looking at me in the eye.

at this point i felt numb, i was so used to hearing this everything felt normal even if it stung just a bit. "if you didn't try to save her maybe none of this would've happened" he said as he pushed me and i landed onto the ground, "i would say something but i'd rather be envied than pitied" i stood up and brushed the dirt off my knees. "you're so narcissistic at this point i'm just done" he said in frustration, "then i'll fucking leave" i said as i stormed off again and hit his shoulder.

all the pain, all the suffering, and i clearly deserved it. i tried saving her but i couldn't, i was caught and couldn't pay the hospital fees anymore. i had no one, i couldn't even be there for my own mother so why should i trust myself with others? that's why i rarely or just don't care.

no one ever sees my side of the story, everyone is the protagonists of theirs and the others are side/background characters. and while everyone has a different story, they're all so focused on their own to the point that nobody tends to look at the other person's story,

at this point i could barely contain my tears that i've been holding for too long and decided to try walking home faster, no one is there to comfort me so i always listened to music. it is the only way i can keep up with all this damage, with everything and everyone bringing me down. a story expressed beautifully and supposedly reminding me that i'm not alone, but in this case i am.

i just needed someone there who would listen to me. but i don't deserve that, i don't deserve such a person who is willing to waste their time on me. after thinking about that for 15 minutes i arrived home, i looked through the windows of my house and saw my father asleep on the couch as usual. the door was locked and i didn't have a key so i decided to get through my window.

i decided to climb the tree on the side of my house facing my bedroom window, i climbed up but my foot slipped and i fell down landing on my knees. i always had weak knees growing up meaning it really affected me, i started limping and continued to try climbing the tree and successfully made it to my bedroom window, i opened it and went inside my room. my room wasn't anything special it was just a bed and a table with a pile of clothes folded on it, i landed onto my bed and winced in pain as both of my knees were bruised.

i checked my phone before going to bed, i opened soundcloud to listen to music again and i played 'i see' by j.one. i was aspired, but it wasn't enough. i lost hope in almost everything, i kept on distancing myself from everyone that i never deserved which was basically everybody.

i felt like a broken streetlight, always in the shadow and is useless. no one can depend on it as it only provided darkness and suffering, but how could i be there for someone if i was so broken? i was so close to just breaking down but i'm not weak. or am i? i just needed someone to fix me to start working again but i'm far from worthy to have someone by my side.

my life isn't even worth living but i'm still alive,
i want all the pain and suffering to end but is that really an answer? but then again kyung said the world would be better off without me.
after thinking for hours on end, i didn't realize the sun was already rising and i failed to get sleep again.

my phone rung and it was no other than the one from the convenience store, "hello?" i picked up the phone and she started talking. "i don't think we can be friends anymore, my life is better off without a person like you who is just dragging me under" i chuckled and said "here we go again" she gasped and before she could say anything, i cut her off "this happened too many times to me, go while you still can. take care" i said while hanging up the phone.

shortly afterwards my dad bursts into my room and started yelling at me, "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HERE ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN COLLEGE?" "YOU WERE ONLY THERE FOR HALF A SEMESTER" he raged once more. "you used up all the money for me fees in alcohol and gambling what am i supposed to do" i shrugged while taking a jacket and shoes along with my bag to go outside. i took money from my dad every month or so since he doesn't even feed me in this house, what a perfect family isn't it?

i went to the front door and started walking only to see kyung, "so you still live in a dump eh?" he smirked while pushing me initially trying to make me land on the ground but i resisted. "i almost pity you y/n but you aren't worth my time" he said almost apologetically, "then don't waste your time and fuck off" i said trying to walk off but he grabbed my shoulder.
"WHY DO YOU EVEN STILL TRY TO LIVE?!"

"i don't know either, why do i still try knowing i lost hope years ago?"