Halos malagutan ako ng hininga dahil sa takot noong tinawagan ako ng kapatid ko. It was the most fearful experience that I have. I don't want to feel her wrath yet but I still have to face her.
"I'm sorry, Raine. It's my fault. I got carried away with my anger kaya naibigay ko ang numero mo kay Moira." Kitang-kita ang pagsisisi sa mukha ni Ate Ianthe.
I can't really blame her for getting angry with my sister. I was there when they were treated like some peasants, like they weren't friends from the past. I understand what my sister feels but the only thing that I can't get is why she needed to push them away. Ramdam ko ang galit niya kay Ate Ianthe at Ate Aira, siguro dahil akala niya ay iniwan ng mga ito. Pero hindi ganoon ang nangyari. They have their own lives too and my sister couldn't accept it because of her pride.
"It's fine, Ate. Tama ka naman po. I need to face her already."
And that day has finally come. Wearing an off shoulder and a high waist skirt, I went to our house and entered it carelessly thinking that she's not there.
She was sitting there, looking so cold and stoic that in her presence I can feel how cold she is.
"Glad that you still knew the way home." She said that made me freeze from where I was standing. It gave me the chance to take a deep breath for a short moment.
"I don't have all night para tingnan ka lang diyan na naka-tayo." Patuloy niya na ikinalunok ko.
Slowly, I faced her as my tears slowly rolled out from my eyes. Hindi ko na napigilan ang emosyon ko dala na rin ng takot at pagkamiss sakanya.
"A-ate..."
"Why are you crying you ungrateful son of a bitch? May plano ka pa palang umuwi ha?!" She shouted at me that made my heart hurt even more.
Face it, Lorraine. This is the sequences of lying and hiding. Face it.
In a calm manner, I tried talking out her. "I am not a ungrateful son of a bitch, Ate Moira! Wala kang karapatan na tawagin akong ganyan-"
"Then what are you? A fucking donkey?" Napatikom ang bibig ko. "You know what, nagdadalawang isip na ako kung masaya ba talaga ako na naging kapatid kita." And with that, my heart just got broken into pieces and thrown in the garbage like some shitty old toy.
I can't see any emotions in her eyes as she looks at me. Ramdam ko ang galit niya. Palagi niyang itinuturo sakin na ang emosyon at dapat itago at Wag ipakita sa iba. And yet I'm a failure to what everything she taught me.
"You didn't mean that..." I whispered. Trying to act strong even though I'm so broken right now.
"I never say words that I'm not sure, Lorraine. You're a rotten spoiled brat. Even living with me for the past 5 years, I can't tame that rotten brat inside you. Ni maliit na paalala hindi mo masunod. You're not my sister anymore." Napasinghap ako sa sinabi niya.
"You don't understand, ate! I love him! I love Hypnosius! Why can't you just support me!" I defended him even though it hurts. I don't want him getting with our problems. This is between me and my sister. My problems with him, I will deal with it later. But now, I need to have the strength to make Ate Moira stop from blaming Hypnos.
"What you call 'love' is sometimes an understatement. Pagmamahal na walang kasiguraduhan. Love can never make you happy, Lorraine. Lalo na sa maling lalaki pa. He will only hurt you. Break you until you can't lift up yourself anymore."
Umiling ako. Not agreeing with her statement. Punong-puno na ako sa lahat ng pagmamanipula niya. "No! You're wrong! 'Di mo pa kasi nararanasan na magmahal. You don't know what love is because you're a narcissistic cold hearted bitch! Sarili mo lang ang iniisp mo, ate! You say that you know what's best for me pero ni hindi mo itinanong sa'kin kung sino ba talaga ang gusto ko!"
I don't know why I said those. Maybe because of my running emotions kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. For a moment, I saw her old self. The broken one that she always avoid showing me because all she wants is for me to be strong. For a moment, I realize how stupid of a sister am I. Napakawala kong kwenta.
"Goodbye, Lorraine. Goodluck with your life."
The way she said those words feels like she's finally giving up on taking care of me. It broke me more than how Hypnos broke me. Parang biglang nawala ang lahat. Parang biglang naglaho lahat ng nararamdaman ko.
Tulala akong pumasok sa kwarto ko habang buhat ang dalang malita. Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa kama ko at natulala na lamang.
I just couldn't help but to think if there is anything worser than this. To what I'm feeling right now. I feel like exploding but at the same time, I'm too silent. Like the ocean when a storm is approaching. So calm yet it can bring deadly emotions. Ganyan ako ngayon. I can't think straight, I don't know exactly what to feel after my sister finally gave up on me.
Tulala sa pader, unti-unti ay naramdaman ko na ang pagdaloy ulit ng mga luha ko na kasing sakit ng alat dagat. Hindi ko na namalayang napahagulgol na ako at napaluhod sa sahig habang sapo-sapo ang mukha na ngayon ay basang basa na ng mga luha ko. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Parang nawawasak ang puso ko sa sobrang pighati. I feared my sister too much but she was always right. She taught me everything that needs to be learned in life. But all I did was to throw it away. The virginity that she said was sacred, I just gave it to Hypnosius thinking that he loves me.
Ah... Love... That word, it broke not only my sister but my heart too.
STONE MKKAELSON
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Deceitful Seduction
General FictionLorraine Keziah Elizalde always wanted a commitment, not just a short term kind of thing that only last for a day. She grew up being taught by her big sister about everything, keeping yourself sacred until the day has finally come but then her desir...
