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|January 1st, 1987|
|Rio All-Suites Hotel|
|8:00pm|

Prince

It was my last day in California before I headed back home to Minnesota. I was currently staying at the Rio All-Suites Hotel, which I had arrived to yesterday morning, so it was a quick trip, but I was okay with it anyway because it was worth it. The main reason why I came to California so unexpectedly was because I just had to make amends with Michael. I couldn't wait until the next time we saw each other, which who knows when that text time would be if I didn't show up to his family's home. Yes, maybe showing up wasn't the best idea, but after leaving the hotel that night when Michael and Vanity were together, and having the time to cool down, I did a lot of thinking and reflecting.

First off, I know I can be very stubborn and don't like to admit when I'm wrong, but I came to a conclusion that the way I treated Michael wasn't right. That says a lot, because I barely say things like this, which I also know is wrong. He didn't deserve the mistreatment, the humiliation, and the bully-like behavior that I constantly threw at him. All he asked from me was to do a collaboration, in a very polite way might I add, but I let something that happened years ago work me up so much and keep me from giving the same kindness in return. Even though I still might of denied to do the song, I could've done it in a better way than I did, and I didn't have to shut down his offer so quickly and rudely.

Grudges, and holding onto the hurt from the past, will honestly get you nowhere. But only if I practiced what I preached, I feel like I wouldn't of been in the state that I was in right now. I know that I have mentioned this before, but truly, when I was younger, I went through so much. So much pain, agony, the constant tears, living in fear, not feeling love or the comfort in your own home. Which why I mentioned before, why it was so hard for me to love, because I feel like I rarely received it growing up, and the so called "love" I saw between my parents was the complete opposite.

There was fighting, physical abuse, shouting, screaming, it was like battle zone every single second of the day. Therefore, which also explains why everyone thinks I might come off as a mean person. As I continued to grow, being around that all the time really influenced a huge part in my personality. I felt I became my something like father at times, not the physical abuse part, luckily I never picked up that which I'm proud of myself for, but the ugliness of it, feeling like you had to be tough, say something mean to get your point across, not shed a tear to show your weakness, basically to just put a wall up and you'll be fine, no one can fuck with you. I managed to hold onto all of that, including the pain, which was why I was the way I was, which was why I held such a grudge against Michael after the incident, which I also realized, wasn't his fault or his intention. It was why I wanted to get revenge so bad on him, because I wanted him to feel the pain I felt, and just get some clarity, which was wrong.

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