The One I Should Love

Chapter 12 | 미안해

In the past few weeks, Hana and Seokjin had seen each other every day without fail, but they were both busy and most meetings were quick check-ins, so they had still had to make an effort to spend any quality time together. 

Suddenly, once they needed a few moments apart, it felt like everything was pushing them together. 

It didn't take long before they were driving together in the van again. This time there was no maknae line to act as a buffer, and it was awkward. 

"I booked my final license test for next week," Hana said as she drove, anything to fill the silence.

She felt him look over but he didn't say anything so she continued. "So, if that goes well, I won't need to bother you with my driving anymore," she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I offered," he said quietly, turning to look out the window again. "You were never a bother."

Her smile fell and the silence grew uncomfortable again. 

There had always been an easy atmosphere between them, neither of them had had to say anything if they didn't feel like it, and could just appreciate the other's company. Then there were days when they had a lot to say or show each other, bouncing ideas and witty remarks off one another like they'd know each other forever. 

But it wasn't like that today. 

Hana had let it get too far. She knew she had been particularly sensitive that day, and the stress from work had piled onto her, and before she had time to see it coming, she had crumbled under that weight with such terrible timing.

She knew it wasn't Seokjin's fault. Because they were so close lately, she had felt free enough to let everything out in front of him. All he had done was want to see her, and she felt like she'd ruined everything. 

Hana wanted to fix things between them, but she didn't know what to say. She wanted to ask Soobin, but she'd been so busy with work that she hadn't been able to see her lately. She was pretty sure that her friend would be mad at how she'd handled the situation, but it could be just what she needed to sort out her feelings. 

Without her friend's guidance, she felt like anything she could say would be taken the wrong way, and didn't trust herself to explain why she'd lashed out at him. Instead, she'd taken the mature route and was instead acting like everything was fine. 

It was no surprise how that was working out for her. 

--

Hana had thrown herself back into work, ignoring its contribution to her breakdown. 

She relied on the fact that everyone else was busy too, to keep her own problems from being noticed. She was relieved to know that the rest of the office staff were oblivious, and the senior managers had even praised her for the incredible amount of work she was processing every day. 

With a few short weeks to the debut date, every bit helped, and there was a distant part of her that was proud of what she had managed to achieve. She blocked out the larger part that was pleading for sleep. 

Though she was avoiding spending time alone with Seokjin as much as possible, she was trying to be a good manager, and be supportive of each of the members with the upcoming changes. 

Over the past few months, Hana and Yoongi had grown close in a quiet sort of way. She got along with the whole group, and enjoyed spending time with each of the members, but she and Yoongi had similar personalities and meshed together well.