Roses' Books Critique

Noor Qadr

Book Title: Noor Qadr

Author: _nasshh_
Reviewer: IzzahFatima2

Cover: I absolutely adore the cover. Like the graphics and the background picture you have used are perfect. Although, I do think that to make it look even better, you could have written 'Noor' in one line, 'Of' in another and 'Qadr' in the last line. It's just a suggestion.

Title: One word - Perfect. You couldn't have used a better title.

Description: The idea and the scene you have mentioned in the description is good but there are many errors that need to be fixed. Some dialogues don't make much sense and it all seems to meshed up.Then, the punctuation and speech rules are also not folwed. You need to edit it urgently. Other than that it's okay.

Character Development: Not satisfied with this part. You didn't describe the nature of every person accurately and the way they changed in the span of 4 years'time.

Plot Development: The pacing was a bit too fast for my liking, I suppose. I do like how you started in the present and kept on giving glimpses and hints about the past. It is a good technique to keep your readers hooked.
I think you started from a great point i.e. Mehvin's marriage. You couldn't have used a better point to start your story. Plus, the way you begin your chapters by describing a scene or giving examples or talking about life etc was impressive. The beginning lines of all your chapters are beautiful. Like those words make me feel good and beautiful.
In the first chapter, you started discussing about Mehvin and her feelings and then in the second chapter, you portrayed Qaise and his life. I feel your book would have been much better if you would have written from Mehvin's perspective only. You are the changing the perspectives by every chapter because of which by the middle of the book not much will be left to the reader's imagination and they will probably come to know about more than half of the past.
In the second chapter, you came to the point quite quickly, like you started the topic of Mehvin in a rush. You should have written other things about Qaise's lifestyle, nature, friend, normal routine etc. I know this part is a bit confusing but I tried my best to explain as clearly as I can. You can PM me to understand more about this suggestion.
Plus, you didn't introduce your characters well.I mean your characters just entered the story and weren't given proper introduction. For example, in the second chapter when Kasim came, you just mentioned that he is Qaise's friend. Give a bit of a background about since how long they have been friends, talk about their bond etc.
Your book lacks details and proper reasonings that are important to justify your statement. One such example is that when Edris refused for marriage, you should've told that why he is not ready for this relationship, why was he not able to deny his parents or anyone who decided this marriage and this part was in a rush. It was a bit difficult to understand.
Moreover, Kasim was invited to Mehvin's marriage and Shabnam and Mehvin themselves were unaware of this. Besides, Kasim even came to her room without anyone knowing which is illogical. You didn't describe Mehvin's reaction at seeing Kasim. I mean Kasim is the best friend of her beloved (Qaisi). You could have showed the readers that she desperately wanted to ask Kasim about Qaisi or all the pain came back from a greater force when she encountered Kasim.Her reaction wasn't justified.
However, I liked your storyline and I am waiting for further chapters and the quotes you inserted at the beginning.

Grammar: You need to work here. I understand that English is not your first language but you can always improve it. I suggest read some English novels such as 'The Wind in the Willows' by Kenneth Grahame and 'The old man and the sea' by Ernest Hemingway. But to be completely honest, I have noticed improvements by every passing chapter. You need to work on tenses. If you are using present tense, stick to it and if your are past tense use it through out. Avoid making simple sentences, instead make complex ones to enhance your work. And please focus on punctuation as well.

Layout: There was no proper paragraph formation. A paragraph should contain at least 5 sentences. But you formed paragraphs with just 1-2 sentences which is wrong. Plus, every dialogue needs to start from a new line. It was all too meshed up due to which I had to read every sentence several times just to understand what it means. There are no breaks in between Paragraphs and no spaces in between the words and sentences. Please try to rectify these mistakes.

Overall: I enjoyed your story and I really like its storyline. Keep up the work. And focus on grammar, presentation and layout etc. Otherwise it's all good. Don't forget to proofread before publishing your work. Like there were many typos. Several times 'then' was written as 'than' and vice versa.

A brief comment: That's all I need to say. Just hire a good editor who can help you polish your work and fix those flaws and errors that blemish your work.

Please don't take this personally and don't get disheartened. I sincerely apologize for being harsh😔 I am always open. PM for whatever help you need and I will gladly do the best I can for you ❣️ Good Luck for your future books. Take this review positively and believe me when I say you are doing great as an amateur. Below is an example of how to present your work. I edited this para completely. Have a look at it :)

Seeing her, his eyes widened and he looked at her annoyed.
"What are you doing here? he asked making a face.
"What am I doing here? I should ask you this question that what are you doing here?" she said angrily, copying his expression.
"I came here to get an ice cream" he
said sarcastically.
She rolled her eyes and huffed
"Kasim, what do you want?" she asked exhaustingly.
"I came here to see our bride".

The changes are made in bold and are underlined. This is just my version of about how it should go. I repeat, don't get disheartened and talk to me if you need help in anything 💌💌

Please don't take this personally and don't get disheartened. I sincerely apologize for being harsh