Twenty-Three

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Lilian and Foster kissed today. In front of me. At her house. Lilian has a nice house. A nice mom. A nice smile. Noel seems to like her a lot. They talk about things like school gossip. Noel never used to gossip. I guess she's changing. I wanted to be okay with that, okay with Noel getting more distant, okay with Foster kissing Lilian, with them dating. I wasn't.

We were watching this movie: A Clockwork Orange. I'd never seen it, but Lilian's mom said it was a symbol for something about something. Lilian's mom had a thing for movies that didn't make sense, but did. It was about rape and murder and things of that sort. That's as far as we got into the movie when Lilian paused it.

"I've gotta smoke, " And then she went outside. Noel hesitantly stood, "I think I will too." You could see it on her face, she had never smoked a cigarette in her life. But she reached for something in her back pocket, a pack. And quietly went out of the room. When Noel exited, it was always quiet. Foster looked at me. It was a millisecond. A millisecond of looking. A millisecond of my heart sinking. Somebody needed to say something. I was going to say something.

"What do you think of the movie?" That was him.

"You-you kissed me and then, you kissed her and-."

He looked a little confused at first, but the realization slowly settled on his face. He almost looked cowardly. Or was it regret. I hoped it wasn't regret, but I kind of hoped that it was.

"Darla, I never meant to catch feelings for you-" He rubbed the back of his neck. His voice was so warm, the warmest thing I had ever heard.

"Feelings?" Feelings. Foster had feelings.... for me. Tears. All I felt were tears that I kept trying to push back into my soul.

"But, Darla, I -"

The door slammed shut. Noel was coughing. Lilian patted her back roughly, "It's her first time, guys," Lilian smiled shyly, although there was nothing shy about her, she then began talking to Noel. "You'll get used to it after a while. Trust me, you'll be fine." Nothing was fine.


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