You're My Blue » Lashton

Four4

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Four4

A sharp, unexpected knock cut Luke off from his sulking state of binge watching some show he didn't care about on Netflix, reclining on his light blue couch that he was spending a lot of time on lately.

He hesitantly reached over for the remote and paused the episode he was on, slowly getting up and out of the couch in order to make his small way to the door.

Opening the light brown surface, Luke's eyes widened when he saw someone that was constantly on his mind. He shouldn't be there; it was only going to make things harder for them both.

"Ashton..." Luke didn't know what to say.

"Luke." Ashton lowly said in return, keeping his saddened eyes on the other pair of broken eyes.

Both were sulking in despair without each other, and now they were there together. They were sad together because they knew that they were still apart.

"What are you doing here?" Luke asked both confused and hesitantly.

It hurt to see how drained the other obviously was. Ashton didn't have his usual cheeky grin and his eyes weren't as bright as they usually were. Instead, his hazel eyes were slightly red from crying alongside his puffy eyelids.

But Luke was in the same boat. His hair was greasy from being too lazy and too sad to even take a shower these past few days. The bags under his eyes were large and obvious.

They were both utterly and complete messes.

"I just...wanted to come check on you." Ashton said, honestly not being sure as to why he's here.

There's no real reason as to why he should be here. He didn't even know what to tell Luke about why he was standing here by his front door, looking at the tall blonde with so much desperation and pain.

He just needed to see Luke. He needed to look at him and to absolutely make sure he was okay.

Ashton just needed anything that regarded Luke.

"I'm not doing good." Luke said simply, but honestly.

"I know." Ashton nodded shortly.

"I miss you." Luke said honestly again, using all of his energy into not crying.

Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

"I know." Ashton said lowly again, feeling the same way that Luke was.

He didn't want to break in front of Luke; the other didn't deserve all of the pain and guilt that would come alongside Ashton's potential scene of brokenness.

But gosh...Ashton just wanted to run up into the blonde's arms and relish in his touch. He missed the warmth and protection of Luke. Everything about Luke he missed; with everything Ashton had, he wished that they weren't apart.

"I'm sorry." Ashton frowned once an awkward and broken silence overtook both of them, "I shouldn't have come here. It was selfish of me."

"I...I just." Luke hesitated as his eyes lingered onto Ashton's saddened hazel ones, "It hurts so much, Ash. I just want you...But I know that we can't. Everything that we had together was one secretive lie, and it will always be just that. I can't live a secret life."

"Just tell me that there's something I can do." Ashton pleaded, "And I'll do it. I'll do it all to have you back with me, Luke."

Ashton peered into the eyes he's always loved, missing the bright blue with all of his broken heart. That color of blue was his safety net. He could always peer into Luke's eyes and feel safe, feel like he belonged.

But those blue eyes now held insecurity and inability to love him back, so Luke was no longer his blue. Instead he was his grey.

"We can't." Luke said softly, feeling the tears come to brim, "And you know it too, Ash."

"I can't accept the reality of us." Ashton frowned even more, "I love you."

"That's the problem." He said with tears brimming his eyes, "Because I love you too."

"I'm sorry again." Ashton took in a deep breathe in order to not completely break down from the mixture of Luke's confession and with the blonde in front of him now crying.

He then turned around and left Luke behind. He didn't want to, but he knew that he shouldn't have done all of that. The best thing was for him to leave before causing even more damage.

Ashton shouldn't have gone to see Luke because now both were even more hurt, which meant that it was going to take more time for them to heal individually and apart from each other.

I'm so stupid. Why the hell would I do that?

Ashton messed up...again. And Luke was hurt from it...again.