Nagising ako nang marinig ko ang pagsarado ng pintuan ng kwarto. I'm not a light sleeper but I must be a bit uncomfortable with the unfamilir surrounding. Nilingon ko si Darnell na nasa kabilang dulo ng kama pero ganoon na lang ang pagtataka ko nang makitang wala siya doon. I suddenly remember that I heard the door awhile ago. Mukhang lumabas siya ng kwarto.
I tried to sleep again but I can't. Hindi ako mapalagay dahil kanina pa sa labas ng kwarto si Darnell. Does he feel uncomfortable sleeping with us?
I checked Sunny and made sure that she's sleeping comfortably before going out of the bed. I just wanna check on Darnell. Baka kasi mamaya sa sala pala ito natutulog pag tulog na kaming dalawa ni Sunny.
Maingat ang naging kilos ko para hindi ako makagawa ng ingay at mabuti na lang dahil carpeted ang sahig kaya hindi naririnig ang yabag ng paa ko. Darkness welcomed me when I stepped out of the room which I didn't expected. Akala ko ay may kahit isang ilaw na nakabukas dahil lumabas si Darnell. I let my eyes adjust in the darkness before closing the door behind me.
Nang makapag-adjust ang mga mata ko agad kong hinanap si Darnell. My forehead knotted when I saw him sitting down in a dark corner of the living room. I was about to call his name but I stopped when I noticed that something is wrong.
His shoulder was shaking while hugging something and he keeps on muttering, "I'm sorry, anak. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Anak, daddy is really sorry. Kasalanan ko lahat."
Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko at nanlalamig ang pakiramdam ko. I feel conflicted and it really hurts to see him in this state. Ganito ba siya gabi-gabi tuwing malalim na ang tulog naming mag-ina? I know that he's still in pain but I never knew it was to this extent.
"Dayne.... My baby Dayne.. Fuck."
Dayne? Was that supposed to be the name of their baby?
I know I shouldn't meddle with his affairs because he probably won't like me to see him like this. But I can't help it. Hindi ko kayang nakikita siyang ganito. His life is important to me and Sunny.
I found myself hugging him while crying. Hindi ko alam na ganito siya tuwing gabi. Hindi ko alam na umiiyak siya palagi. Hindi ko alam na sobra pa rin siyang nasasaktan. Hindi ko alam na sobrang sakit pa lang makita na ganito ang kalagayan niya. I want to free him from this agony.
"P-Penny?"
I cried even harder. Why do I feel like he still feels alone even if we're here for him? I can be his crying shoulders too! I can lend him my ears too!
"Why are you crying in a place like this?! Why didn't you just wake me up and ask me to accompany you?! I am here, Darnell. We are all here for you! So, why?!" umiiyak na tanong ko sa kanya at alam kong nararamdaman niya ang hinanakit ko sa bawat salitang binitawan ko
"I'm sorry. I don't want to waste your time with my drama." mahinang sabi niya habang nakayuko
I want to say something but I decided to remain silent. I know why he thinks that way and I don't want to bicker with him right now. Sinundan ng mata ko ang hawak niya na kanina niya pa hinahaplos at pinagmamasdan. I want to ask questions but I stopped myself. I want him to be the one to tell the story.
He suddenly stared at me. I stared back at him. Are we in a staring contest? If yes, then I don't want to lose to him.
Napakurap-kurap ako nang biglang binuhat ako nito at inupo sa harapan niya. Niyakap ako nito mula sa likod at pinatong niya ang baba niya sa balikat ko. He showed me what he's holding. It was a sonogram, must be his baby with Hillary.
"This is baby Dayne. Hindi ko alam kung babae ba siya o lalaki but I still want a name for our baby. I combined my name to Hillary's second name, Rayne. I was a bad father when we had the baby. I wasn't a good husband, too. Sino nga bang matinong tao ang gagawa noon sa asawa niya? Hillary stayed faithful to me throughout our marriage even if I wasn't a good husband. I knew from the start that it was mine, it was my baby. I don't have any rational or humane reason for wanting to abort the baby. I just don't want it and I was a bit scared to have a child.
Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako mabuting tao. Having Dayne with Hillary means I will get tied down to her. Naiisip ko pa lang iyon noon ay parang sinasakal na ako. I was so blind with my love to some bitch and was addicted to drugs. Dayne was conceived after I raped Hillary. I forced her. I know I'm an asshole. I won't justify my past actions because they're all unjustifiable. At kung gagawin ko 'yon, parang tinatakasan ko na rin ang kasalanan ko sa anak namin. I didn't inflict the fatal blow to lose our child but I'm still at fault. Alam kong maselan ang pagbubuntis niya pero sinasaktan ko pa rin siya.
That day, I rushed to the hospital when I found out that Hillary fainted and bleeding. Habang nasa daan ako, pinagdadasal ko na sana ligtas anak namin sa kabila ng mga ginawa ko. I was a moron for realizing that I want the child when it was already too late. Wala akong kwentang tao, Penelope. I wasn't even sure if I am a human or a devil. I am losing it and almost gave up this useless life of mine but you and Sunny found me."
Humarap ako sa kanya at niyakap siyang muli. This man is full of flaws but I still want him in my life. I want to protect this man.
"You're a good person to me, Darnell."
"No, I'm a monster, Penelope. Do you know what I exactly did to Hillary before? Do you know how I physically hurt her even when she's pregnant with our child? Namumuhi ako sa sarili ko tuwing naaalala ko kung paano ko pinipilit si Hillary na patayin ang anak namin. Alam mo ba kung paano nabuo ang anak namin? I forced her! I raped her! I even accused my child as a bastard. The baby was my own blood and flesh but I thought of killing the baby! Am I still even human? Because in my eyes, I am a monster who killed his own child, Penelope.
Hinding-hindi ako mapapatawad ng anak ko kahit anong gawin ko. Do I even deserve to live and be happy?" his voice cracked
I cupped his face and made him look at me.
"Then answer me, if you don't deserve to live, then does Sunny deserve to lose his father? Pag nawala ka, mawawalan ng ama ang anak natin. If you continue living in the past, when our daughter grows up, she'll think that you never love her at all."
Am I petty for using our daughter to make him come to his senses? Sunny is the only person that is precious to him.
"That's not true, Pen. You know how much I love our daughter."
"Then prove it to us. Hindi ko hinihingi na kalimutan mo si Dayne o si Hillary. Ang hinihingi ko ay sana mabuhay ka sa kasalukuyan kung nasaan ang anak mo. May isa ka pang anak na naghihintay sa'yo, Darnell. I want to help you pero hindi mo ako hinahayaan na tulungan ka. Lean on us. Depend on us."
"Will you really stay beside me until the end?" malungkot na tanong nito habang nakahawak sa pisngi ko
I silently nodded at him. I am determine to stay beside him.
He sighed and closed his eyes. He leaned his forehead towards mine.
"Thank you, Penelope."
We stated in that position for a few minutes before returning to our room. He cuddled us before falling back to sleep.
BINABASA MO ANG
Broken Man's Missing Piece
RomanceDarnell Hernandez messed up his own life. He lost both of his wife and his child. Being successful doesn't always mean that you're happy and contented. He can feel it, something is missing from him. His missing a piece, his queen. But the thing is...
