"You'll always find me yeah? I'm not going to leave you behind."
"H-Hyung..I'm sorry." That's all I could say.
No matter how hard I try to forget him. He's always on my mind.
Chan was my everything. My world. My light.
He is my everything,
And no...
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——————
It's been a few weeks since the party and everything is great. Chan moved in and we live together now. We go on fun dates so that's great. Everything is good except I haven't came out to anyone..neither has Chan. Our relationship is complicated. Yes, we like each other but- no one knows we're dating. It's not that we're ashamed or anything– we're proud to be together, it's just nerve-wrecking I guess.
I don't want to be treated differently once I'm out. I want everything to still be the same. Unfortunately with coming out..there's going to be change. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Chan on the other hand wants to let everyone know which is great but I'm just not ready. I love Chan so much and waited so long for him, I don't want this change to affect our relationship.
I sit on the couch and start watching a movie as Chan walks in with snacks. "I'm back from the store, here are your chips." He hands them to me and sits next to me. "So, how are you?" Chan asks as he played with my hair. "Good." I say without taking my eyes off the TV screen. "Hmm are you sure?" He asks again. I groan in frustration. "Yes. I'm good why are you always asking me that question?" I say annoyed. Chan pouts. "I don't know it's just..you've been kind of off lately. You're always dozing off." I look at him. "I'm sorry. Nothing is bothering me. Thank you for being concerned though." I give him a hug and we continue to watch the movie.
*Next day*
"I'm off to work! See you later, bye Chan!" I say before I leave the apartment. "Wait wait wait!!" He comes running. "I thought I was taking you to work today." He pouts. "You take too long." I reply. "Do not!" He says. "Do too!" I fire back. "We're acting like five year olds c'mon I'm taking you to work." He grabs his car keys and we make our way.
*At work*
"Bye Felix, be safe and call me to come pick you up, okay?" He gives me a kiss on my forehead. I blush. "Okay, see you later." I walk out the car and go to work.
A few hours go by and it's closing time. "Hey Felix!" Taeyeong comes up to me and hands me a box of muffins. "These are for you. I made them last night!" I stood there confused but surprised. "Um thanks! They look good." I say. "No problem! Look Felix I wanted to ask you something..as you know I'm a photographer and for my school project I need someone to be my model. Would you like to be my model?" I grew excitement. "Oh my God I would love to!"
"Haha great! C-Could we start today? I have my camera with me and the weather looks nice today!"
I smile. "Sure, lemme just tell Chan im staying."
"Why do you need to tell Chan?" She asks. I stood there stuck on what to say. I forgot she doesn't know he lives me with me. Fuck. "Um it's cause he works close to here so he usually gives me a ride home" I laugh nervously.
"Ah okay then. Well, I'll go grab my things and let's go take some pictures!" She says excitedly. I text Chan and Taeyeong comes back and we start walking around the town. "There's this nice park with a lake over here let's take some pictures there!" She says as she starts running towards the park and I follow along.
"Ahhh this is perfect the sun is setting so beautifully today. Thank you again Felix for helping me out." She says as I pose and she snaps the photos. "No problem, this is fun anyways." Taeyeong gets closer and slowly puts her camera down as we look at eachother. "Wha-" she cuts me off and kisses me. I quickly push her away.
"Taeyeong what the hell was that?!" I look pissed off.
"I-Im sorry i just thought we were in the moment."
"In the moment?! Taeyeong, listen– I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea but I see you as a friend." I say. She looks at me and I notice her eyes watering. "I'm sorry.." I say.
She looks upset. God she reminds me of myself. The look on her face– i can feel her pain. She's feeling what I felt when I first confessed to Chan.
"Um we should get going.." I clear my throat. I walk her to her house and nothing but silence was in the atmosphere. We finally made it as she looks at me and says something. "I'm sorry about that Felix.. I don't know what I was thinking..I must be going crazy. Please, let's just pretend today never happened.."
"Taeyeong.. listen..you're a great person and anyone would be lucky to have you.I appreciate your honesty but I'm already in love with this amazing person." I began to ramble. "God they make my heart skip a beat. He makes me the happiest and I promise you'll find your person too one day."
"He?" She says confused. My face turns red as i realized what i said. "Uh i-"
"Felix is there's something you wanna tell me?" Taeyeong replies.
Fuck what do is say?! Just say it felix. Why are you hesitating? You've waited so long for Chan and now you can't even tell people about your relationship? Just do it felix who fucking cares.
