Love Undone

5. A Long Live

Friendly.

Aquarius is very, very friendly. Nice, welcoming, encouraging, supporting, and motivating for him, Jeon Jungkook, the one who gets all of this on a daily basis from millions of people. Pure, heartfelt, raw, genuine love. He gets that everyday from the members, his family, friends and most importantly the fandom. So 'nice' is nothing special. 'Friendly' is nothing new. People have to be friendly with them, with the boys, or army will not let that one sole person suffice. No. Not at all. They are used to that 'nice and friendly' treatment they get from anyone around the globe. Army loves them real and raw, powerful and possessive, caring and cautious. There are even some 'fans' who are also very 'loving'. It's nothing new. Jungkook knows she is not one of those fake people. It's real and that should be it. Right? But still, there was  and is, something about her. Always. Something Jeon Jungkook can never understand, was never able to. Her.
She'd confused the famous Jeon so much that he'd gotten tired. Even now when he feels breathless because well she is talking to him. Freaking her is talking to frigging him. Please give a moment to Jungkook. The boy needs to collect himself. He doesn't understand lots of things. No, he doesn't, but one thing has become way more evident than before; he is not okay. He isn't. She is right there. Right. There. And yet, so far away. So out of reach and just....not...here.

Sad.

Jeon Jungkook is sad. The little flutter in his chest that kept on increasing 10 folds as the time ticked at its own constant had led to one climax. He couldn't. Never. And the realization that he'd never have what he wanted, what he wants made him sad. He wanted her. So much. And up until this very moment where and when he heard and saw her say his name like that, well, until now he didn't even know. And the realization of liking her so much like this has something bubbling and boiling inside of him. Like something set on fire, brutal and burning. And his inability to have her has been cold water to that little, intense flame dancing in his chest, dying down to mere sorrow and hopelessness.

Different.

Aquarius and Jungkook are... different. And they could never be together. Jungkook knows that, he always did. It's just that...he never thought he'd ever want that to happen and that their reality would hit him so instantaneously and so intensely. He just did not know. He just...did not have any idea. Not even a hunch.

It's no use, JK. He tells himself. You'll ruin this if you stay so quiet. Why don't you talk? His conscious speaks to him. He's looking at the ceiling. The ceiling being a relief. It was weird. He couldn't look at her knowing that she knew he was watching her. And even, she was looking back! He's been watching her in secret. Always. It's just been like that. No one knows about it. Not even RM hyung. And now suddenly her being just there, all kind, beautiful and responsive so freaking suddenly has Jungkook's heart twisting in a weird way. They are watching too. He knows. His army is watching too. He sighs at the thought. I'm a mess. He thinks. He feels bad. He's just nodding or humming to whatever she says. She isn't saying much either. He wants her to just keep speaking and keep speaking and just keep saying his name....and....ah...no. Jungkook is frustrated. He feels guilty. He's treating her horribly. He knows, but he feels like if he'll look at the screen, he just doesn't know what he'll do, or if he'll speak, he's afraid his voice will break or if she smiles at him when he looks, he will blush. Like a teenage boy. He will, he knows and he doesn't want everyone to witness that. No. Just no. There's a little voice in his head asking him how will she react if he blushes in front of her. He shakes the thought away quickly. Let's not turn to shades of crimson Jungkook. He tells himself.

He spins the chair around its axis and takes two 360 rounds. On accident, the chair stops right in front of the screen and she's right there. And Jungkook looks at her. Despite all his attempts to avoid her face in the past 20 minutes, he looks at her, by fate, by accident. But it's done now. The way his breath hitches, pupils dilate and cheeks tinge pink is something he feels like the world can see. He hopes no one noticed. He hopes and desperately tries to hide his current state. He is okay. That is what he wants to show. He's almost trained to do so. Switching up personas is something he's been doing fluently and effortlessly his whole life! Easy peazy lemon squeezy bro. Huh! Jungkook crosses his arms over his chest and smirks, all smug and sluggish. He got this bro. He got this. I'm JK. I got this bro. He huffs under his breath.