better than me - minishaw

the resurecctionist, or an existential crisis in c#

simon.

JJ did nothing but pester Simon on their way to school. He had seemed to have forgotten about the dare and instead was talking about how they needed to join the football team again that year. Simon had tuned out less than a minute after JJ had started talking, he didn't really care.

Simon's mind began to wander and he thought about how would he manage to juggle the both extracurriculars. He definitely had to join football, it was a non-negotiable fact. He was pressured by both his father and his peers, something he didn't mind because he was pretty good at it.

He had been playing the drums for two years now and was finally a decent player, all thanks to Phil. It was a good and bad thing because he had promised Phil that if he got good enough, he would join the band, something he had been strongly against. Simon only played to get his anger and frustrations out, it was something deeply personal to him, not even JJ knew about him playing. He didn't want to play with random strangers who would probably fuck up constantly because they don't even know what a metronome is.

Nonetheless, Simon had made a promise and he was not the type of person to constantly break them. He gave up on even trying to listen to what JJ was going on about. He stuck his earphones in his ear and pressed play to his shitty 2000s pop punk playlist. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) started playing and he mentally transported himself to a school in New Jersey in 2004, JJ was long forgotten.

Simon was extremely late. Football tryouts had gone extremely well, he had been accepted as soon as he managed to score a goal but he knew Phil was going to kill him. When he reached the music room, all he heard was a racket of immense proportions. Stephen was playing the drums even though he was terrible, he was just banging everything randomly while laughing. A boy Simon didn't know was trying to connect the electric bass to the amp and the feedback noises were way too loud. Phil was groaning because another boy was pressing keys trying to make special effects noises.

Finally, he saw Harry in the corner, quietly plucking at his guitar. Of course, Harry just had to be there. Simon didn't even know that he could play, this was something extremely new to him, but then again, Harry would probably have the same reaction when he found out that he was a drummer. Not that he cared about what Harry thought about him.

When Phil saw that Simon had arrived he gave a big sigh of relief and reorganised everyone. They finally had the perfect amount of members because Alex didn't really count. He got them to test out a few songs and found out that after they taught Stephen what a metronome was, they actually worked well together. It was definitely not the best as it was the first time they had played together but it was a good start, they were all talented.

Harry was actually the most gifted one, something that came as a shock to Simon. His fingers moved deftly across the fretboard as he played the solo, not making a mistake once. Sure, Come As You Are was supposed to be easy but Simon begged to differ. He was awful at playing stringed instruments and couldn't understand how Harry did it. He was made for banging drums, not picking and strumming, anyone who managed to it probably did some dark magic or else how could they achieve something that difficult?

Phil then told Simon to start playing and when he did, he immediately disconnected himself from his surroundings. He channelled all of the stress and anger from the past week out by hitting the skins as hard as he could. He got so into it that he ignored the correct tempo, began playing too fast and too hard, his fingers hurt but he didn't care. He was so angry at JJ and the rest of his supposed friends even more. He just wanted to be himself but no, he had to follow whatever the others would say, he was too scared to do anything different.

Simon was so out of it, at that point he wasn't messing up just because of pure muscle memory, his inner thoughts were getting too loud and he needed to drown them out. If he had been attentive to his surroundings, he would have noticed that everyone had stopped playing just to see him. He also would've noticed Harry, his expression filled with awe, wonder and something else nobody could quite name.

Simon had reached a point where his finger ached more than ever and suddenly one of the drumsticks cracked. That was when he finally stopped, panting. Reality came flooding back and he was now very aware of everyone surrounding him.

"Fuck," was all Simon managed to say before rubbing his hands that were hurting way too much. Nobody said anything to him, he had caused such a strong first impression on James & Alex, they were completely terrified of him while Phil, Stephen and Harry were just at a loss for words.

After a few minutes of Phil telling everyone what to do, practice went back to normal, something Simon was grateful for, he didn't want all of the attention on him.

The second it ended, Simon left as fast as he could, he didn't want to face Harry. Out of all the people in the school, it had to be him. Everything was awkward after the party although nothing important had really happened.

He fished his earphones out of his pocket, his thoughts were getting too loud again. The Resurrectionist, or an Existential Crisis in C# by Frank Iero and the Patience began playing so Simon let himself be distracted by the lyrics and soft guitar.

"I feel lost, and I'm not sure if I'm heard by anyone. maybe I'll find better ways, to hide the truth that I'm becoming undone."