better than me - minishaw

don't you know who I think I am?

simon.

The instant he lost Harry from his sight, he started panicking. He knew that the probability of JJ showing up to Will's party was almost nonexistent but he still feared he'd bump into him.

One thing about Simon was that he had always disliked actually going to parties. The idea of going to one was great but the moment he was there he just shut himself up in his stupid walls again. He didn't like socialising, a smaller party with just his friends would be fine. Oh right, he kind of didn't have an actual friend group yet, he would just latch on to Harry's sometimes.

It's not like he didn't love the rest of the band members, it's just that he felt like he was a burden to them. He was just the weird older kid who hung out with them for being a social reject, at least that's what he thought he was.

The loud music, the cramped space, the people reeking of alcohol and the absence of good light proved to be extremely exhausting. Nothing sounded better than escaping but sadly for him, Will had found him.

Will introduced him to his girlfriend Mia and James suddenly popped up in the middle of the conversation. He was probably the youngest person at the party if you excluded Alex, George and Harry, but he was having the time of his life. He looked older anyway, Simon had never seen a 15-year-old that tall, they were almost at the same height.

He was suddenly whisked away by Lux who said he had found a hot girl which was honestly quite stupid of him. Apparently drunk Cal had forgotten that Simon was, in fact, gay.

He ended up getting along with the girl, it tuned out her name was Freya and she had been dating Josh (who thankfully wasn't there) for a while. After some time the conversation dwindled and he excused himself.

The house was too big and he quickly got lost. He walked through the hallways that seemed to extend for forever, breaths getting more shallow with each passing second. Somehow he ended up in the balcony and he was quietly staring at the stars when Harry suddenly walked in.

He threw him a hoodie and that's when Simon noticed that he was actually cold. The tips of his fingers had turned blue and he was visibly shaking.

Time passed so quickly whenever he was with Harry, so he didn't even notice that he was laying on his chest until he moved. He had tilted his head upwards, a smile on his lips and his deep blue eyes were gazing into his soul.

Simon wondered how someone could be so beautiful, his eyes were shining like the stars in the sky and his hair felt as soft as his hoodie. He was too busy admiring Harry to realise that he was edging closer to his face.

Suddenly Harry was kissing him and time seemed to freeze in place. Nothing mattered but him.

His lips were soft against his, with a faint taste of strawberry chapstick on them. Simon was kissing a boy this time and the difference from all the girls he had ever kissed was clear.

The fact that Harry was a boy made it feel forbidden but he didn't care about what his father would say anymore. It was also that there was something more between them, he wasn't making out with a random girl just to please his friends anymore, he was doing what he actually wanted.

He heard a scream and a loud crash coming from inside the house but extremely close to where they were sitting and they jumped apart, startled.

The two of them peeked inside the room and saw Will having a fistfight with some annoying dude named Bryan. Harry just moved past them and went downstairs, grabbing a random bottle of alcohol in the process and drinking it on his way to the living room.

Simon was left alone on the balcony, ignoring the fighting boys, head still trying to process what had happened. Harry had kissed him, yes, but he was probably very drunk. There was no way he was going to remember it tomorrow and Simon would have to deal with it.

It's his fault for being gay, it's his fault for being attracted to him. He had just gotten a good best friend that he wouldn't trade for the world but he had to go and screw it up by making out with him.

Maybe Harry had kissed him first but he probably didn't mean any of it, he was just drunk, and sometimes drunk people kiss their friends. He had seen Ethan drunkenly kiss Lux on the lips once at a party and they barely knew each other and both of them were completely straight.

Simon has to forget about what happened between him and Harry, it was no good to anyone. He cursed himself for falling for the only other best friend he had ever had, it was like Simon was destined to like people who wouldn't like him back.

He went downstairs and found a half-empty bottle of vodka, drinking whatever was left to try to get his mind off things. Everyone was still having fun, he spotted Vik & Stephen who were dancing on top of a table, and Lux & Freezy were nearby, flirting with some girls. Alex & George were under the drinks table, grabbing random people's feet to scare them, it was in their annoying natures, and Will was happily dancing with Mia.

As much as he looked for him, he never managed to see Harry again, he had completely disappeared. When the party had ended, Simon was helping clean up the house, picking up trash from the floor but Harry was gone.

He asked everyone if they had seen Harry after 1 in the morning, but the others hadn't seen him since he had gone up to the balcony.

Simon had really fucked up.

"I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all,
and I can't stop feeling sorry for myself"

author's note: I AM FUCKING PISSED, ANNOYED, CRAZY, IDK—

I just found out that my best friend is going to England in two weeks (oNLY IN TWO WEEKS!!) until fucking April,,,

I have only seen her once since last December aND AAAAARGH I WONT SEE HER FOR OVER A FUCKING YEAR

SHES LIKE THE ONLY PERSON I TRUST HOLY SHIT

anyway this ain't good and I'm sad now yay!!!