Trollstopia: Season 5

Blank Day (Part 2)

The leaders went to Branch for help.

His response was, "Wow. I'm flattered."

Poppy said, "Of course. Who else can we count on to be so cold and emotionless?"

Branch said, "Oh...Eh, I'll take it. And actually, I think I've got just the thing."

He then pulled out a machine with buttons, "The Select-O-Tron!"

Barb said, "Oh...I'm not following."

Branch explained, "It's a device I invented that helps me make tough decisions based purely on objective data."

Trollex said, "Oh...I'm losing interest."

Branch continued, "Just look. I use it to help me decide what crops to plant for an optimal harvest. I just plug in some variables, like current rainfall, humidity, soil quality, pull the lever, and..."

A pop-up Troll popped out, "You should plant turnips! Yay!"

It then squirted some glitter.

Poppy said, "Branch."

He responded, "What? I'm allowed to be whimsical. Point is, I can retool it to assign each Troll's holiday a point value. The most points wins."

Poppy gasped, "If the machine did it for us, then we wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings."

Barb then chuckled evilly, "Do it."

Branch got to work.

When he finally finished, he said, "Ok. That should do it. Time for a test. What's your favorite holiday?"

Poppy said, "Hug Day."

Branch started the test, "Ok, Hug Day. Affection ratio, double jubilation matrix, festivity quotient, carry the three, times pie, minus cake."

The pop-up said, "99 Holiday Points! Way to go! Yay!"

Prince D said, "Branch, you did it, man! You reduced tradition and nostalgia down to cold, hard numbers!"

Branch blushed, "Well, it wasn't that big a deal. Oh, great, now I'm blushing."

***

The leaders then started the pitch party to pick a new holiday.

The Trolls showed a lot of good holiday ideas, like Your Welcomes-giving, New Glitter's Eve, Snuggle Squid Appreciation Day, Twin-Dependence Day, and Non-Sequitur Day.

At the end, the leaders and Branch got the Select-O-Tron ready.

King Quincy said, "What a great amount of ideas, everyone!"

Smidge then said, "Yeah. But, who's idea are you gonna choose?"

Delta said, "That's for the machine to decide. Branch?"

Branch set it up, "First up, Your Welcomes-giving gets..."

The pop-up shouted, "87 points! Yay!"

Everyone cheered.

"Next up. Puns on the Beach Day."

However, the pop-up said, "87 points! Yay!"

Everyone started murmuring.

Trollex said, "Wait. The same score?"

Barb said, "Nah. Probably just a fluke."

It wasn't really a fluke.

Every holiday ended up getting...

"87 points! Yay!"

Someone shouted, "We're all done for!"

Barb asked Branch, "Dude, what is wrong with the machine?"

Branch explained there was nothing wrong and it just so happens the holidays deserved the same score.

Smidge then said, "Your Majesties, you've got to decide! Blank Day is tomorrow!"

Trollex asked the others, "What do we do?"

Poppy then announced, "Well...I guess if we have to choose...we choose..."

She then shouted, "Everyone's holiday...on the same day!"

The Trolls cheered while the leaders and Branch face palmed.