Piece Simul ✔

Chapter 59- Russ-Astral Self

Russ didn't know what she was doing.

"Do you need a break?" Genly asked.

The bot balanced an interface at hip height, tapping the screen to adjust settings. Though she'd felt at home in the training room, Russ now dreaded each session. Darkly, she surmised that Jason may have felt the same during their pistol training sessions. Unless he'd already known how to shoot.

He was lying to me the whole time, she reminded herself.

Taking a que from Jason, she lied and said, "No. I'm good."

"Meditation is not easily obtained."

"I know, I have to quiet my mind."

"But can you?" The bot held her eyes, titling its head.

"Yeah, I'll get it."

Before entering a dura-chamber, Russ first had to master higher-consciousness training. It was a deep meditative state that she had yet to achieve. Genly assured her that once she did so, while in the chamber, she would be able to focus and pass through the upcoming anomaly without assistance from the S.S. Delaney. Then, using more of that focusing power, she could will herself to arrive on Earth, using the South Atlantic Anomaly as a doorway.

She recounted her abilities while on Earth in the astral state.

"I'll be able to see?"

"Yes."

"I'll be able to speak?"

"No."

"I'll be able to touch?"

"No."

She released an exasperated sigh. "What kind of message can I relay, then?"

Genly tapped the luicte dome above per's shoulders. "You'll already be tapped into another plane. This should make it easier to share thoughts, and/or influence."

Samuel had given her a list of people of which to contact, and many of the names she was unfamiliar with. He insisted they were scientists, and would know what to do with the formulas.

In response, she kissed him. "We on for later?"

He laughed, but shook his head. "Can't. On to something, and you're great, but a distraction."

Though he'd spoken kindly, the rejection stung. She was continually put off by parts of her life which paralleled the friend she had murdered.

"By all means, old man, don't let me distract you."

~*~

Russ threw herself into work.

Everyday, she got closer to a higher meditative state. After week three, she told Genly she could try it in the chamber. The bot agreed, and helped her into the harness. As it clicked a button to bring up the particle wall, the dura-fluid flooded in.

Russ controlled her breathing, noting the colleagues sleeping in the rows of chambers alongside hers. The fluid passed her nose, forehead, engulfing her. She blinked through the few bubbles floating before her.

Control. I have it.

Then, she closed her eyes and concentrated.

Nothing happened.

She curled her toes, uncurled, mentally challenging control of, well, herself.

Suddenly, Russ experienced a tug, then a pull. Strong sensations ripped her, tossing her until she tumbled into the dark.

~*~

It wasn't all dark.

The twinkle of stars spread across the vast empty. Turning, Russ saw a silver monstrosity, with words printed on the side: S.S. Delany.

I'm outside of the ship.

The thought thrilled and terrified her.

Abruptly, the steady view tilted on its head. Everything skewed, distorting. A sinking sensation hit her stomach, and the stars and darkness disappeared.

Russ blinked rapidly through the fluid, flailing against the bonds of the dura-straps. An alarm beeped. Fluid levels in the chamber dropped, and the partition descended.

Genly was waiting by her side with a towel.

"How far did you get?"

"Not far."

~*~

Just like that, Russ lost her mojo. She was unable to maintain the meditation in the chamber. After another day of trying, she failed to achieve the same sensation of detachment.

Her frustration got the better of her. An internal voice sounding a lot like Jason mocked her:

Knew you couldn't hack it. Once a janitor, always a janitor.

During breakfast, Samuel shared his progress. Another few days, and he would have a cure. Things were coming along for him ahead of expectations.

Her resolve crumbled. She was horrified when great, wracking sobs tore from her. Samuel, spoon halfway to his mouth, sat in shock for a moment. He seemed unsure of what move to make next.

Beyond the veil of misery, Russ barely acknowledged strong arms pulling her to a hard chest. Though, she welcomed the hand hooking under her chin and titling her face up for a kiss.

The hug and kiss quickly transformed to very messy sex. Even as she hadn't expected the response, or her own weakness, in the moments of quiet that came after, she thought about how oddly comforting their coupling had been.

She allowed herself to spread out on the king-size bed and sink into the soft mattress. They had been using Kathar's personal suite for their recreational activities. Both of them cared little for how macabre it was to fuck on a dead man's bed. To them, it was just a bed, and one of the only king-size beds on the S.S. Delaney.

When the comfort subsided, Russ couldn't stop herself from asking Samuel frankly if he just wanted to shut her up. He answered that he wasn't sure, but that he didn't like seeing her in pain.

"Maybe I can help you," he said.

The offer twisted her about. "What do you mean?"

"This meditation stuff--- you seem afraid to let go. I wonder if it would help if you knew you're not alone."

"You're gonna travel with me?"

"Hell no. What I meant was... I've done things, too."

She rolled slightly away, uncomfortable but wanting to hear more. "Like what I did, with Kathar?"

"Yeah, like that."

He quietly confided how his mentor, Rotsberg, had been a green-eyed sympathizer. When he'd confronted her, she'd fallen.

"I didn't help her."

Samuel didn't elaborate and Russ felt he didn't have to.

She extended her hand, an offering. Samuel stared at her open palm, then interlaced his fingers with hers.

"Is this what you need?" he asked, still analyzing their locked hands.

She surprised herself by answering, "Yes. Thank you."

As they snuggled close together, Samuel's breathing evened. Russ laid her head on his chest, wondering if he had volunteered the sensitive information out of a desire to bond, to be vulnerable. Or, if he'd done it because he knew, in a very calculating way, it was what she needed to succeed.

Listening to his steady heartbeat, Russ found she didn't care either way.