We Were Happy Once

Ch. 13 Life is Hard

Michael was elated. He was constantly babying me, trying to keep my comfortable and the like. It was really sweet. After all, we were going to have a family. He and I had made plans to have kids and we loved being around children in the first place. For Michael, he found it especially exciting that he was going to be a father and for me, I was excited to be a mother. Of course I felt awful all the time, but it was all going to be worth it. Michael had a social engagement one night and I wanted to go with him but I was in terrible pain. He insisted I stay home and eventually I agreed. I had surprise for him, as the day before I had found out the gender of the baby and he wasn't able to go to the appointment. But tonight, something was wrong. I had never felt this kind of intense pain before. It wasn't the usual morning sickness: nausea,vomiting, and fatigue usually. But this time it was pain. I decided to curl up in bed. Michael came over and kissed me. "Bye baby, I'll be back soon ok? You want me to get food or something while I'm out?" "No you don't have too, we have plenty here but thanks honey." He smiled. "Ok. I love you, I'll be back as soon as I can. I'll have one of the maids keep an eye on you until then." I weakly smiled back at him. "I love you too. Have fun." He laughed before the concerned and caring expression he had been touting reappeared. He blew me a kiss and turned around, glancing over his shoulder as he walked out. I turned on the tv and watched for about an hour or two before the pain became unbearable. I climbed out of the bed, trying desperately not to double over and hobbled over the the bathroom. I searched through the cabinets trying to find something, anything to even slightly reduce the pain.  I managed to grab some of the Demerol in the cabinet before collapsing on the floor. I screamed as all the sudden I realized what was happening. Blood was everywhere. One of the maids at the time, Jennifer, came running in. She gasped and grabbed some towels. I started shaking uncontrollably and mumbling like a crazy woman as Jennifer helped get me cleaned up and back in bed. She called the doctor and Michael and stayed with me, trying to comfort me. "Oh I'm so sorry Miss. Beth. I know how you must be feeling, I'm so so sorry" the doctor arrived first, and she confirmed what I was already sure of. "I'm so sorry Beth. The baby is gone." I felt numb. I refused to cry in front of anyone, even Michael. At least I tried not too. As the doctor was leaving, Michael arrived. The two talked for several minutes, as to what was said, I couldn't hear.  I saw his face drop and get pale. He nodded and the doctor left. Michael looked over at me with sad eyes. I felt like I had let him down. He walked over and sat on the bed. He gently took my hand. "Hey." I said nothing. He let out a shaky breath. "I'm gonna join you ok? Let me get changed real quick, can I do that?" I couldn't meet his gaze, but I nodded. "Ok" he hesitated, looking at me for a long moment before finally letting go and going to change. He came back and climbed in bed next to me, wrapping his arms around me and letting me rest my head on his chest. There was a long a silence before I finally spoke. "I'm sorry" I whispered. He looked down at me. "For what?" "It's all my fault. It has to be-" I bit back tears. "It's ok to cry babygirl. I'm here. And it's not your fault. I promise it's not your fault." A tear slid down my cheek. "He would've looked just like you." My voice shook as I tried to keep from breaking down. "What? He? You knew?" I just nodded. "It- it was a boy?" His voice broke. I looked up to see Michael quietly crying. I let out a sob. "I'm sorry." "No no it's not your fault baby it's not." He wiped a tear from my cheek. "I love you Beth." Another sob. "How? All I ever do is mess things up." "No." He shifted and finally I looked him in the eye. He stroked my face, and kissed me. "I love you, ok? I. Love. You. No matter what Beth. Always and forever. We will get through this, we will be ok, and one day when god wills it we will have a family. You are not a mess up. You make me a better person. And I don't know what I'd do without you." I wiped a tear from his face and kissed him. "Thank you." I whispered. He nodded. "He would've had your eyes." I said. "He would've looked exactly like you." "Don't." He whispered. I nodded. He lay back down next to me, stroking my hair. We cried and talked all night long. Life was hitting our little blissful paradise. And this was only the beginning.