Rang De Basanti Drabbles

What is Love

A/N: Inspired by 'First' Kiss by sour_rose61 and this is a brief look into their relationship and fall out... Hoping that I don't mess this up! (fingers crossed)

The months following their first kiss was an absolute bliss. Going out, even though in secret was always fun and just the fact that somebody loved him for himself was a fact Karan cherished whenever he was with Ajay and thanked god whenever he woke up in his arms. There was always a voice that nagged him but he never paid mind to that, wanting to enjoy what he had.

For Ajay on the other hand... in the initial months it had been fun and filled with love. But as time passed, he started to realise one thing... he'd been wrong in his assumption of the nature of the relationship. And this realisation started to weigh down upon him as he was feeling guilty for it felt he was playing with Karan's feelings and he didn't know how to break it to Karan without breaking his heart.

"Ajay.... kya hua? Kya soch rahe ho?" Karan asked when he saw the worry lines on his face. Ajay turned towards him and let out a sigh, looking like he wanted to say something but was hesitating.

"Ajay... you know that you can tell me anything right?" Karan asked and Ajay nodded. "Woh... I think... yeh jo humare beech mein ho rahi hai... its just... I don't think it will work out in the long run... I mean I love you but I... don't love you romantically... I can't say it but..." he trailed off, not getting the right word

"You just can't click with me?" Karan asked with a sad smile and Ajay just mutely nodded. "So... yeh bas ek experiment ke tarah thi kya? Just a fling? One night stand ki tarah?" he asked and Ajay looked up quickly and hugged him tight.

"No, yeh ek experiment nahi thi yaar, I really loved you par... something just doesn't sit right jab bhi I called you my boyfriend... it just felt wrong. I can't explain it but I just... can't think of you that way. I don't know why, I tried yaar, pehle, pyaar thi par... I just discovered that yeh jo mein feel kartha hoon, woh romantic wala pyaar nahi par ek chote bhai ki tarah dekhta hoon tujhe and I couldn't fool myself and you saying that I loved you romantically... and if I'd done that I would've killed myself. Meri intention tumhare feelings saath khelna nahi tha, I swear Karan please, I am really sorry yaar, sorry" Ajay said as he broke down and Karan just held onto him tightly, tears streaming down his own face as he saw him break down.

"Main tere saath naraaz nahi hoon Ajay. At least tune sach kehkar achcha kiya ya phir... this guilt would've killed us both yaar. Mujhe kyon ki you felt that you are forced to be with me aur tujhe kyon ki you will feel that you weren't loyal to me. Hum dono... We wouldn't have been happy. Aur tune sach kaha... We just aren't clicking. Maine usko abhi abhi notice kiya. Par tum mera dost to rahoge na? This won't change anything right?" Karan asked.

"Nai yaar, yeh humare beech mein kuch nahi badaltha hai, no awkward feelings and all. Bus woh kissing and all that intimacy katham. But know that I loved you and will love you yaar. Humare beech mein jo kuch bhi hua, woh sab sach hi tha, naatak nahi" Ajay reassured him.

"I understand Ajay, sorry bolne ki koi zaroorat nahi. So... friends?" Karan asked and Ajay just smiled, the guilty look still there in his eyes as he looked at him. "Nai, no guilty feelings. Yeh tumhara galti nahi hai, na hi mera galti. So please give me a sincere smile without feeling guilty about it. Ya phir mein samjhoonga ki you regret whatever we had" Karan said with a pout and Ajay laughed out loud, glad that Karan didn't take it bad.

But what he didn't know was the fact that Karan had been a bit heartbroken at the fact that this had happened, but he buried all his feeling because all he wanted was Ajay's happiness. And if this is the one that gave him that, then so be it. He was just happy that Ajay was at least truthful enough to admit that he couldn't be with him instead of lying and being in a relationship just so that he could be happy.

He watched from the sidelines as Ajay moved on, started to go out with Sonia and eventually proposed to her and if he should be honest, he was very much happy for Ajay. Maybe, he might never be able to move on completely from him but... memories, they are what that matters the most. He is just happy that he still has Ajay in his life and that was more than enough for him.

A/N: So... that's that... Hope you all like it! All comments and criticisms accepted and appreciated! Prompts are welcome! 

Playlist:
Maruvaarthai - ENPT
Mundhinam - Vaaranam Aayiram
Yenai Maatum Kadhale - Naanum Rowdy Thaan
Sirikkadhey - Remo

Thank you all for reading!!!!!

Rasnak signing off :) ;)

UPDATED ON 24 JUNE 2020