Gay, Hell No I'm Not! (BoyxBoy)

Chapter nine

Hello everyone, its a new chapter, yay! However, this chapter is shorter than usual, unfortunately. I will make sure the next chapter is longer. Plus, it will be an exciting one, one that makes you want to read the next chapter, were the fun begins. I'm making you all curious now aren't I. ;D

Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!

Picture of Mrs. Fernandez, Nathan's mom, to the >>>>>>>>>>

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Nathan's P. O. V.

I have never before loathed myself this much, even when I had endured all the hardship that happened in my past, I hadn't hated myself as much as I did at this moment.

Those words that I had spoken to Aiden, those harsh, untruthful words, had torn me to pieces, and I can only imagine what Aiden was feeling right now. And the sucky part was that I hadn't meant any of it, yet I had spouted those lies as if I had.

I couldn't tell you the reason for my actions. Why didn't I just speak the truth? Why didn't I just tell Aiden how I really felt towards his confession: that it actually made me feel really happy to hear him say such a thing? To be perfectly honest with myself, I believe I have been waiting for him to say that to me from the moment I met him; that he loved me.

And, I, despite everything that's happened between us, still love him just as much as the day I first saw him.

How this was possible was a mystery to me. You'd think I would despise him with every fiber of my being because of what he put me through, and I had thought I did hate him that much, but it must have all been a lie on my part. I must have been masking my true feelings with thoughts of revenge, ignoring them and pretending those feelings weren't ever present to feel better about myself.

If I no longer felt this way towards him, if I used my anger for what he did to drive away these feelings, then I can move on and never have to think about him and my past regrets, is what had been my motive for doing what I did at the time, seeking revenge after years of trying to convince myself that I hated Aiden that is.

But obviously that mindset did not go in my favor, as I've once again found myself in such a predicament.

And it was frustrating really, that my feelings for him did not dwindle one bit during our separation, but, in fact, seemed to have grown immensely. Now it was nearly impossible to hide my feelings for him, and he wasn't helping with his constant pursuit either.

I just want to live a normal life again, without him to interrupt my peace. But this is asking too much, isn't it, as it has continuously been getting increasingly harder to say no to Aiden.

My resolve has been flattering. I've let him influence me so much, to the point where I've dropped my guard and he has taken that to his advantage to get closer to me and confuse me, make me doubt what I was doing, make me feel hope for things that may never come true: a life together with Aiden, like I once wished for.

Even today, to think I would let that happen!

Earlier events invaded my mind and a light blush stained my cheeks as I remembered that kiss. I could still feel the lingering touch of his lips on mine, they tingled from the aftereffects.

I lightly brushed the tips of my fingers across my lips and frowned.

To think I had almost lost myself so completely to him because of a single kiss, it was bewildering, the effect he had on me. I had been this close to going against what I had promised myself.

I had told myself I wasn't going to let him do this to me, play with me like this like before, and yet I'm just going along with his flow as if he had the right to mess with me. Yes I've realized my feelings for him, but that didn't mean I should let him take control of me and my actions.