KEEPING THE FAITH

ＴＷＥＮＴＹ-ＯＮＥ

BRYCE

The sky is a brilliant blue, not a single cloud in sight. The temperature hovers just above seventy, with gentle winds coming in from the southeast.

A perfect day, under any other circumstances.
Once inside the chapel, we manage to make it over to the group of people around Julius' mother, Eleanor.

"Such a tragedy, him dying so young. What was he, twenty-eight?"

"Yes...one of the Lights, too."

A strange anger bubbles up inside of me. How dare they talk about him that way, like the only thing Julius Jones ever was were his accomplishments. He was so much more. A best friend to so many, a brother, a son! But no one knows that.

Finally, we're at the front of the line, facing two people I've known nearly all my life.
"Thank you for coming." Eleanor looks as exhausted as I feel.
I don't quite trust myself to speak, so I'm grateful when Meraina does. 

"Of course, Eleanor. You and your family are like kin to us."

Madelyn is at her mother's elbow, not meeting anyone's gaze. Barely more than a kid, and she's already lost so much.

People stand in small, tight groups, carrying on hushed conversations as if at a single noise, something will shatter.

What if it had been different, Julius? What if it was me? What if? What if....

A hand on my back makes me come back to reality. Meraina.

"You okay?" She whispers, brown eyes full of genuine concern.

I manage a nod. A short, emotionless nod. Nothing like what I want to do-no, need to do. I need to be home. I need to sit and think. I need-
I don't know what I need.

The stained glass blurs before my eyes, a kaleidoscope of colors, all melting, twisting, bleeding. When my vision clears, the foyer is now a room filled with books, and Meraina, Carlo, and Angie are replaced by four teenage boys. Joel, Mauricio, Julius, and me.
The day before Julius left.
"Look who's finally here!" I fling my arms outward as Julius enters the room

"You're late, compa." Mauricio reprimands, waving a disapproving finger at Julius.

He's got muscles now, something I envy. Now those would definitely impress Meraina. I'd come up to her, looking like Superman and all that, buff and cool. Then I could woo her with a pick-up line- ooh, maybe something like, "Will you be my Lois?" Okay, maybe not. She probably wouldn't get it, anyway.

"Fifteen minutes late, to be exact." Joel checks the gold-faced watch on his right wrist.
I toy with the queen of hearts in my hands, bending the corners just to spite my nerdy friend. Joel can't stand anyone messing with his stuff.
"Yeah, I know. I lost track of time." Julius plops down in a chair, running a hand through his curls and making several stand on end.
"Joel, shuffle the cards again, will ya?" I toss the misshapen card back onto the coffee table, where Joel scoops it up, glancing at it for a minute before carefully smoothing the corners back down again.
"Sure thing, man." He executes a fancy move, clearly showing off.
"So, uh, Julius?" Mauricio takes his five cards from Joel, fanning them out in front of his face. "Aren't you...scared?"

Julius nods, raising a coppery brow. "A little...why do you ask?"
Joel and I are still, waiting for Mauricio's response.
"Well-" He breaks off, gazing at something across the room.
Four girls are heading our way; Georgie, Irena, Kedah, and Meraina.
Oh, be still my beating heart. Skin the color of cinnamon, dark eyes framed by luscious lashes, ebony hair that falls to her shoulders in gentle waves. She's wearing a sage green dress that hangs just past her knees and brown leather sandals. Pretty as a picture. If I had a camera right now, I'd take a photo of her. Or a thousand photos. Enough to take up five rolls of film, at least.

I see Julius straighten as soon as he sees Kedah, and I watch as her gaze flits quickly to him before darting away.

"-that's why." Mauricio finishes, pointing at Kedah.

Julius stiffens, and I know Mauricio's comment has hit its mark. He is interested in Kedah. I KNEW IT!

The scene fades, scattering like chaff to the wind. I reach out to catch it, to bring it back and relive it one final time. But then the last fragments slip through my fingers and are gone, and I'm in the chapel again, surrounded by people who have no connection to Julius, didn't know him, probably never even met him.

I want to go back.

~ • ~

An hour later, Meraina, Carlo, Angie and I are sitting in an old wooden pew as Pastor Steele wraps up his sermon.

"Let us all stand and sing."

The entire congregation rises as Irena plays the first few notes on the piano.
"What will it be like, when my pain is gone, and all the worries of this world just fade away? What will it be like, when You call my name, and that moment when I see You face to face? I'm waiting my whole life to hear You say...."

Three seats down, Madelyn lets out a sob. The sound tears at my soul, even as I watch Meraina reach over to comfort her.

"Well done, well done, My good and faithful one; welcome to the place where you belong. Well done, well done, My beloved child. You have run the race, and now you're home. Welcome to the place where you belong."

He heard those words. He can feel no pain now. No sorrow, worry, or regret can ever weigh down his heart. Did you know, Julius?  Did you know how much you meant to me?  

"Papi?" Angie's tender fingers brush my cheek. "Why are you sad, Papi? Why are you crying?"

I pull her into my arms, nuzzling my face against hers. "Daddy just misses Tio Coco, baby."
"Where did Tio Coco go, Papi?"

"He went...home."

The dimple in her cheek appears, and once again, I envy my little girl for the innocence she possesses.

"With Jesus?"

"Yes," I whisper, stroking her dark curls, "home, with Jesus."

"I love Jesus. He keeps angels "round about" me, right, Papi?"

Oh, to have the faith of a child once more, to be as trusting, as at peace.

"They're all around you, Angel. All around."