THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

16: You're a good person

MEW'S POV

"Mew, are you asleep?".

We were laying in bed and Gulf had his back turned to me. I was hugging him from behind, burying my face in his hair.

"No. What's on your mind?", I asked him.

"Do you miss him?", he began to say. "Do you miss Type a lot?"

"Of course I do". Why is he asking me this? 

"What do you do when you miss him?"

"Well, I just think of all the good times I had with him. Why?"

He turned his body to face me. He held my hand and started playing with my fingers. "I...I miss them too".

"Your parents?".

He quickly nodded. "Yeah. I don't know, I just suddenly started thinking about them right now. They...when they died...I–"

"Gulf, you don't have to tell me this now". I know it's hard for him to talk about his parents. It's probably difficult enough to even just think about it.

But, he ignored what I said and continued speaking.

"When I turned 20, they got into an accident...and it's because of me". His voice started breaking. He let out a deep breath and continued, "I didn't even know about it until my aunt had to come get me. Everything happened so suddenly. At first, I wouldn't believe it. It didn't really sink in. How could I believe it? Out of all the days, why did it have to be my birthday?". Gulf started to let go of the tears he's been trying to hold back. "Why? Why did it have to be like that? Was I such a horrible person that I deserve to feel this way? Do I really have to feel this much pain?".

He cried some more. "It's so fucking suffocating".

I didn't know what to do other than to hold him in my arms. Imagining Gulf putting up a facade, pretending to be fine all these years, even though deep inside he's hurting breaks my heart. And the fact he thinks it's all his fault must be so agonizing for him. 

I wish I had met him earlier. I wish I could've been there to help him. We could've dealt with our pain together.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for what happened to you", I hear my voice breaking as well.

"It's because of me, Mew. Everything's my fault. I could've just been a good son but I wasn't", he held me really tight.

"Please don't say that. I don't know how it happened but please don't blame yourself, Gulf. You're a good person. You're such a good person", I rubbed his back to soothe him.

I know I said I wanted Gulf to open up about his feelings, but I didn't think that it would hurt this much to hear him talk about himself. Gulf, I hate seeing you like this. You deserve to be happy.  

Author's note:
Very short chapter, sorry.