THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

35: The missing piece

MEW'S POV

"No".

Zee, Saint, and I gathered in the living room this afternoon. We had to suddenly discuss the empty bedroom next to mine; Gulf's bedroom. Apparently one of Zee's friends heard of the vacant slot in the house and he's been asking if he can move in. Of course I was against it.

"Why not?", Zee protested. "My friend badly needs a place to stay! He's willing to pay any amount, Mew".

"I don't care. I'm not letting anyone use that room", I argued back. "And you guys know why".

"Mew", Saint sighed. "It's been almost a month".

I knew exactly what he meant, but I'm not going to change my mind. It's been weeks since he left that bedroom, but I still don't want anyone else using it. It has to remain unoccupied; just in case he comes back.

I haven't seen him in so long. After that day at his aunt's house, my insomnia came back and my nightmares are now about him leaving me. It's always the same. When I do get to sleep and before I wake up, I would have Gulf in my arms, but then he would slowly fade away until he was completely gone. At first, I would jolt up in shock, but now I would just tear up whenever I open my eyes in the morning.

I feel empty, to say the least. It feels like there's something missing within me, and I know that missing piece is Gulf. If I could just go to him right now, I would. But, he doesn't want me to. If he's happier this way, then I just have to let things be. It doesn't mean I'll love him any less, anyway. And even if I want to fight for him, I can't. How do I fight for Gulf if the one stopping me from doing that is himself? The only thing I'm able to do right now is wait; to hope that he changes his mind about us.

"The answer is still no. I'm sorry", I firmly said.

We all awkwardly sat in silence until Saint spoke up. "Mew, you know I'm also wishing for Gulf to come back, but do you think he ever will? I mean, he left school and cut contact with all of us already. I want to believe that he misses us too, but if he did, why isn't he making an effort to show us that he does?".

"Don't even try putting the blame on Gulf, Saint". I warned him.

"I know, I know. I'm not. I just wish he'd at least let us know how he's doing. I'm really worried for him. He's been gone for so long and I have no idea what he's been up to", he groaned in frustration.

It was true. None of us had any news about him and I understood where Saint was coming from. He had to see his best friend break down violently and leave the very next day; because of what I did. He must have felt angry at me at some point too. So if it's anyone's fault, it's obviously mine.

But, I'm still willing to wait. Even if it will take many more months, I'm still going to leave that room empty for him. Giving up on Gulf was out of the question.

"Can you please think about this more, Mew?", Zee pleaded again.

"Fine. I will". I lied to him.

We all went in our own rooms afterwards. I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I really wish he was here right now beside me. I want to hold him so bad. I miss everything about him; his voice, his smile, his eyes, and even his angry pouty face. I hope he's doing well right now. I hope he's eating well and taking care of himself.

It makes me wonder if ever we met in different and better circumstances, would we be happy together by now? Or would he be just another ordinary housemate to me? Would I have loved him like this if our pasts weren't connected at all? But anyway, I hate how things ended up like this.

Suddenly, I was getting hungry. I looked at my watch and it was already almost five. I thought of going to the cafe to buy a sandwich. I got up to walk to my desk and as I was grabbing my keys, I saw it again. The bracelet that caused it all. I haven't touched it since Gulf left it on this table. I also haven't touched the envelope containing the money for his rent share. I didn't want to accept both of those things because if I did, it would feel like I was already trying to move on from Gulf. I don't want to move on at all. I know that he's the only one for me and I will never love anyone else more than I love him.

I changed my mind about going to the cafe. I think I know where to go instead.

––––––––––

I haven't been to this restaurant in a while. The last time I was here was when I brought Gulf to try the beef noodles. I could still remember the face he made when he took his first bite. He looked so funny. I wish we hung out like that more.

The place was packed since it was dinner time soon. I scanned the room for an open table but there weren't any. I'd have to share one if any of the people sitting wouldn't mind. I looked around for an empty chair and finally saw one in the far corner. I looked up to see who was sitting on the other end of the small table and to my surprise, it was him.

He's here. I rubbed my eyes just to check if I was imagining things but it's really him. Gulf was sitting there eating a bowl of the beef noodles he has grown to love so much. He looked better than before. I think he even gained some weight. I smiled at the sight of him, knowing that he came here to eat. He hasn't noticed me yet and I decided to watch him a little bit more.

He stared at his food and he was eating slower than usual. I guess he's used to the taste now. He kept swirling his spoon around the bowl before drinking some soup and he didn't even look up when he drank some water. Was it because he was eating alone that he looked a little sad?

I walked towards where he was sitting but I suddenly stopped in my tracks. Should I really go up to him? Would he even be glad to see me? So many things started running through my head and I was debating whether or not to talk to him. But, I want to ask him so many things. I want for him to look into my eyes and talk to me, even if it's about the most random stuff. And of course, I want to tell him that I still love him.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice he already looked up and was staring right at me. He was stunned. His mouth opened like he wanted to say something but he shut it up again. We stared at each other for what seemed like a long time.

I breathed deeply and decided to continue heading his way. I realized I can't let this opportunity pass. I'm going to take the fact that both of us are here in the same place and at the same time staring at each other, as a sign. A sign that I should stop being so cowardly and just do what I've been wanting to do for the past few weeks. This should be the universe's way of telling us something, right? I have to take matters into my own hands now. I'm here to bring back the missing piece.

"Hey, can I sit here?". 

Author's note:
I just reached 10k+ views?! I can't believe so many of you like this story omg. Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it <3