THROUGH THE NIGHT (MEWGULF)

19: Too Oblivious

GULF'S POV

Mew's too fucking nice. It's so annoying how he's so nice. Is he even aware of his actions? Does he know that him being all kind and considerate all the damn time is so dangerous? What if he gets taken advantage of? What if someone's already trying to use him and he doesn't even realize it? Why does he have to be so sweet to everyone?

Also, he thinks I'm upset because my "efforts were wasted"? It was my choice to do that! I did that because I wanted him to feel better! I was upset because Pleum took care of him before I had the chance to!

I want to tell him off. I want to scream at him, but I can't because it's impossible to get mad at him.

Friend. That word sounds so irritating when he says it.

Your friends wouldn't go running around the city trying to find the fastest way possible to a restaurant miles away from home. Your friends wouldn't wait for two hours outside, under the scorching sun, for that restaurant to open and to buy a takeout bowl of your favorite noodles. Your friends wouldn't also buy you medicine and flag down a sketchy guy with a motorcycle just so they could hitch a ride home faster. Your friends wouldn't do all those things just because you have a silly hangover.

Am I really just a friend to him? Nothing more? Then again, when I think about it, I might just be. I hate that he said I look like him. I know I can never come close to being someone like Type in his life. It's not like he's going to start putting me first before anyone else, right? He cares too much for everyone.

But, doesn't he realize that me opening up so much to him is such a big deal? I never talk about my feelings with anybody. I couldn't even open up to my boyfriend of four years and I assume he got tired of my stubbornness so he decided to just leave and love someone else. Why can't he see that I'm different around him? That I'm actually so raw and vulnerable in front of him? Why can't he see that I'm already considering him as more than just a friend?

I know I said that I shouldn't develop feelings, but can I really blame myself this time? It's so hard not to. It's so hard not to hope for things to escalate into something more than what we have right now. It's so hard not to like him.

This is stupid and useless to think about, isn't it? He's not going to like me in the way I want him to. He will never take the things I do for him as hints of what I want him to know. I should stop feeling this way, because nothing will ever happen.

Mew is too oblivious to comprehend that I'm already falling in love with him. 

Author's note:
Just random thoughtz with Baby Gulf.