jerk irl \ muke

chptr 16

mondays aren't anyone's friend.

the walk to school that morning felt like a 3 hour walk, but in reality it only took me about 15 minutes.

i looked around the school for ashton. i noticed a cluster of kids next to a couple trees and a group of freshmen standing by the entrance of the school. it took me a few minutes before i finally spotted ashton, who was accompanied by calum and luke.

i really didn't want to see luke today - more than usual. ever since last night i've just been feeling .. different. i don't even know what i feel different about. however, i did know that i definitely did not feel like being around luke - not because i still hated him or anything it's just .. different. okay, i think you get the picture.

i forced my cold feet to move towards the three boys, earning a few states along the way from people who probably heard some rumor about me being luke's boyfriend. i don't know why or how that rumor started. wouldn't luke want to stop it? like, why would he want people to think he's gay and into me? most people in this school think i'm a freak, so it would kill his reputation. maybe he's been lying this whole time and this really is a prank.

i pushed the thoughts aside as i kept walking with my head down, feeling awkward.

"hey," ashton greeted me with a smile. i smiled lightly back at him and looked over at calum who gave me a wave. luke was looking at me like, how should i put this, like i was .. a beautiful donut, while i just stared at him like he had three heads.

"hi michael," he said quietly, smiling and looking down as he did so.

"hey," i said awkwardly, looking down with a blank expression on my face.

~

english was awkward to say the least.

luke and i sat next to each other in silence while mr. warner was going on and on about something i had no idea about. maybe luke didn't want to be bothered with talking to me? oh my god, what if i did something to piss him off? no michael, you didn't do anything. nothing - nothing at all.

wait, why would i care anyway? i'm the one who didn't want to talk to him today so what's the big deal if he didn't want to talk to me? breathe michael, breathe. it's okay, you're okay.

even though i told myself that, i couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness at the thought of causing the smile luke always wore around me - that i still haven't gotten used to - to drop.

i sighed deeply, catching luke's attention. he turned to look at me and put his hand on my left knee. i looked down at his hand for a few seconds. it still seems weird for him to be doing things like this. he used to always do these things to torment me, but now he was doing it to show affection. i continued staring at his hand until i turned to meet his intense gaze.

"are you okay?" luke whispered.

"i-i'm f-fine," i stuttered, sounding flustered. and i was flustered. flustered because luke's hand was on my knee and i wished he would've kept it there longer when he smiled and removed it after i said i was fine.

i was a lot of other things besides fine and flustered. i was confused. confused because of the way luke was making me feel, and i was unsure if the feeling was good or bad. i was happy. happy because luke was still smiling after he took his hand off of me and his smile made the butterflies in my stomach, that i didn't even know were there, flutter - more like swarm - from my head to my toes. i was needy. needy for luke to wrap me in his arms and hold me until my heart stopped beating. i was annoyed. annoyed at luke for making me feel this way, and even though i wanted him to hold me, the thought of him still despised me somehow, which leads me right back to feeling confused.

luke gave me one last glance before turning his attention back to mr. warner. since when did luke pay attention in class? i shook my head slightly to myself and tried to brush off that he wasn't paying any attention to me like normal. i wanted his attention. i wanted his eyes on me and his lips on mine.

wait what? nonononono erase that last part whheresthe bakcspace buttonnvd.,ybvj

i'm still only learning to tolerate luke, there's no way i could be having those types of feelings towards him. there's no way.

just then, in the middle of my english class i realized what the 'different' feeling was that i had been feeling since last night.

i was developing feelings for luke hemmings.

and yes, they were those types of feelings.

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this was originally supposed to be a filler chapter but then this happened so hey